


New Blood

by ssourgem



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Complete, Cuddling, Emotions, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendzone, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Love, Love Triangles, Mild Blood, Naked Cuddling, New Storyline (Kind Of), Original Character(s), Rough Sex, Seduction to the Dark Side, Smut, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, The Force Awakens, Trauma, Unrequited Love, Violence, lonely, speaking of seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23078350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssourgem/pseuds/ssourgem
Summary: As an X-Wing pilot, you're used to risking your life. But today has a little bit more riding on it.
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Poe Dameron/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 115





	1. First Meeting

You're twiddling your fingers while staring nervously at the holo-map of the Starkiller Base. You've been on intense missions before, but not of this scale. 

Standing towards the back of the group, your closest friend on the Resistance Base, Porro, nudges you. 

"Hey," they whisper. "You look green. You okay?"

You nodded as you try to listen as the most prestigious people in the galaxy are plotting their new plan. 

"It uses the power of the sun. As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears," the ex-stormtrooper, Finn, informed the crowd. Murmurs and gasps spread through the tense air. 

"I'm fine," you whispered back. "This is just the most important mission I've ever been on. No big deal." You looked up at them, concern knitting their eyebrows together. Porro has been in the resistance years before you were even an idea. They were a respected scout, always finding new abandoned planets to move the next Resistance Base to. Porro was a paternal figure to you since your parents were back on the planet Sorgan. You never thought that you would come across someone so caring - but you're glad you did. 

Looking back to the holo-map, you felt anxiety speeding up your heart. Rescue missions were easy. You've been on plenty. Being backup with Poe Dameron was probably the most thrilling and rewarding occupation you could have. But, this was different - not only were you tasked to protect your fellow pilots. You had to stop Starkiller from charging before hundreds of souls are extinguished in the blink of an eye. General Organa's husband must've said something snarky because all eyes are on him.

"Han is right," General sighs. Porro interrupts your concentration again.

"You're going to do great. You're even better than Damer-"  
"Porro, it's okay. I don't need the confidence boost. What I do need to do is listen." You wave them off with a hand and cross your arms. You don't mean to be harsh with the old coot, but this information is critical. You feel a twinge of guilt, so you take a step closer to them to remind them that you still love them. Porro grips your shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. You hear Admiral Statura start speaking with a sense of urgency. 

"If we can destroy that oscillator, we may be able to de-stabilize the core and cripple that weapon." People around you start to perk up and glance at each other. Spirits begin to lift as the conversation of taking down the first order continues on. As the plan is solidified, everyone splits to start preparations. 

So. We let Han, Finn, and Chewie take down the shields as you and your fellow pilots stake down the oscillator. Simple, right? You head to a changing room and put on your orange pilot suit. You grab your helmet and take a deep breath before leaving the room. As you do, you bump into something orange - well, it's more like they shoulder check you onto the ground as he runs around frantically. Poe yelps in surprise.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am," he says as he helps you back up.  
"I told you. Stop calling me ma'am. You're higher up than me, Commander." Poe smiles as he goes to a table nearby to pick up some tools.  
"I would, but I like the look on your face when I call you that. You nervous?"  
"I guess you could say that. ..You got my back, right?" Poe glances up from the tools, his smirk fading, serious eye contact ensuing.  
"Of course I do. I have to protect my star pilot, don't I? You have my back, I have yours. Now let's get going, Red-1, it's almost time." Poe gives your arm a pat and jogs towards his own ship. You sigh and jog to your X-Wing, and prepare for takeoff.

The mechanics were doing last-minute checks on your fighter as the fuel team filled the tank. As they worked on the outside, you hopped into the cockpit to wait for the okay to take off. As you were putting on your gloves and helmet, you hear a familiar voice call your name. You look up and see Porro walking towards your ship.

"I wanted to say goodbye before taking off. You thought you could leave me here without so much as a 'see you later'?"  
"I'm sorry, Porro. I would never leave you." A soft smile spreads across your face as they climb the ladder to your cockpit.  
"Kid... please stay safe." Porro leans into the cockpit and squeezes you tight. Nuzzling your face in their neck, you let a few tears slip from your eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey. No need for that. You're going to come back here in one piece. If you don't, Dameron will get an ear full from me." Porro rubs your back, then pulls away from the embrace. "May the force be with you," They whisper. You wipe your tears away and nod. If you so much as open your mouth to speak, the floodgates will open. Porro knows this, so they accept your nod as a goodbye and smile at you. They climb back down the ladder, and you are left alone in the cockpit once again. The maintenance on your fighter done, the hatch closes, and on goes your helmet. It was time to get into pilot mode. Pushing your emotions to the back of your brain, you turn on the comms, flip all the right switches and pull all the right levers, and your fighter starts to hover. Taking one last look at the ground as you rise, you see Porro waving from below. You wave back, hoping to the maker that you will see them again. 

The teams take off in light speed, all comms are silent as everyone is en route to Starkiller. The tension could be cut with a knife. Poe decides to do so by clearing his throat. 

"Alright, guys. We're almost there. We have to be ready for anything. Once we get to the base, we have to hit that oscillator with all we've got. You gotta stay focused and take out any tie-fighters that get in your way, got it?" Everyone acknowledges in their own way. 

"Gotta say, Poe, I'm surprised you're taking this so easily." You chide. 

"Hey, if a Skywalker can do it, we can," Dameron responds. You smile despite your nerves. A voice enters your coms from the resistance base. 

"Black Leader, go to sub lights on your call." 

"Roger - red squad, blue squad, take my lead! Drop out of light speed." Every pilot follows Dameron's command, and there you were. THE Starkiller Base. Nerves wash over you in a thundering wave.  
"I've got a bad feeling about this." You murmur into comms. Your surname cuts through your headset.  
"Don't lose me now," Poe says firmly. You gulp as the pilot team lowers out of the sky, speeding towards the oscillator.  
"Okay, team, hit the target dead center, as many shots as you can get!" 

The team all start shooting rapid-fire at the octagonal structure. You press the triggers, dive-bombing it from every direction. Adrenaline pumps through your veins, your stomach doing flips and your palms sweating. Everyone is shooting at the building, but no visible damage has happened. 

"It's not working!" you almost shout, panic making your heartbeat even faster.  
"That's okay guys, we just have to give it another round. We have until that sun runs out, so as long as there's light, we're in the clear."

All fliers made a swooping arc in different directions to get enough momentum to dive at the oscillator. But as you were on your way down, you noticed a whole fleet of tie-fighters swarming towards you. 

"Poe!? We're not alone!"

As soon as the words left your mouth, an X-Wing is shot by a missile and is downed immediately. You dodge a fighter by mere inches as it dive bombs you, and you quickly turn to chase their tail. A few pulls of your triggers and the tie-fighter explodes in front of you. An air fight ensues while the whole team tries to simultaneously take the weapon down. The comms are alive with fear and urgency, everyone trying to keep everyone else alive. As this is all happening, the sky is getting darker and darker. 

You make a u-turn as you head back to the oscillator, which now has a billow of smoke rising to the sky. You look out the left side and see Poe has two tie-fighters on his tail. 

"A little help here!" He shouts, maneuvering his ship around to try and avoid all cannons being shot at him.  
"On it, Black Leader," you reply, falling behind the fighters. You take them out quickly, but all of a sudden, you feel a shudder through your ship. Beeping comes from the switchboard, a red light flashing, indicating a fatal hit. 

"I'm going down!" Screaming with intense fear, you pull the steering controls back to slow down and soften the blow of your crash. Heat starts filling the cockpit, and the last thing you hear is Poe calling your name before crashing into the ground.

When you opened your eyes, you were in a dark, empty hallway. You look at your hands, and a small gasp escapes, then you feel your body. You're in one piece. Relief is there for a split second when confusion takes its place. Where are you?

You start to walk through the hallway, your hand drags along the wall. In the distance, you see a dark cloaked figure standing in your path.

"Hello?" no response.  
"Hey, you, where am-"

The figure turns around, and staring at you is Kylo Ren. Your breath hitches in your throat as your heart stops a beat. Energy is shared between you that you cannot explain- it makes your blood feel like it is flowing a million times faster. You try taking a step back, but he reaches a hand towards you, and you are immediately drawn to him, your body unable to escape the Force grasping your body. As you approach him, you suddenly fall forward, but not into his body. You fall onto all fours on solid ground, cold metal stinging your palms. You shoot back up and take in your environment- an all-white room with one door. You try running towards the door, but it feels as though it gets farther from you the more you run. You finally run out of energy and skid to a halt, hunching over with your hands on your knees to catch your breath. Your face scrunches up, ready to cry when you hear an electric humming come from behind you. You spin around, and you are mere inches away from... yourself. 

Slapping your hand over your mouth, you try taking steps back, but she steps closer. She's wearing all black clothing. She dons a robe, flowing down from her shoulders to the ground, magnificent armor encasing her torso, leather pants, and industrial boots protecting her feet. Her head is shaved, eyes sunken and dark, and seems at least 20 pounds lighter than you are now. You finally notice that the humming in her hands... is a sith lightsaber. 

"No..." you murmur. "No, no!" 

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head, trying to wake up from this dream. When you open your eyes again, you're in a command center of a ship. In front of you is Kylo and your dark self. She reaches up to Kylo's mask, and he puts his hand over yours. 

"Together, we will rule the new order. As my ally..."  
"As your Emperess," she hisses, placing her other hand on his chest.  
"We will take what is rightfully ours." Commander Ren's electronic voice gave you chills and dread at the bottom of your stomach. 

"NO!" you shout, reaching towards them. The pair is pushed back ever so slightly, your force powers weak. Once Kylo gets his footing, his hand goes straight out, and you immediately start choking. Your palms start gripping your throat. You begin to be engulfed in a white light, pain slipping from your body. Falling onto your knees, you let the white light blind you. You relax, and you feel a sense of calm, hoping that this safe feeling stays forever. That hope is short-lived when pain ignites your lungs. You open your eyes and start panting for air. Cold bites at your skin, and a rumbling from the ground shakes your body. You're back on Starkiller - you survived your crash. Your X-Wing is in a ball of flames, maybe 50 feet away from you. You must've got ejected. You try to move, but pain wracks your ribs, that must mean they're bruised or broken. Moving as slow as you possibly can, you prop yourself up on your elbows and wiggle your toes, which is a good sign. No spinal injuries. You stand up, but you cry out in pain as you put pressure on your right foot. That's definitely a broken ankle. You hop to a nearby tree and lean on it.

You look for any form of help you can get, but no one is near you within shouting distance. But, rooted in the forest, you can see the outline of lightsabers clashing together. The person holding the blue saber is delivering blow after blow to the red one. As you start hobbling towards the fight, all of a sudden, there's a thunderous roar emerging from the earth. The rumbling knocks you off of your feet. You fall to your knees and let out a sob, pain shooting through your sternum. You look up to see trees falling, and realize a chasm has formed. The weaponized planet is starting to fall apart.

You get on your feet and start limping from tree to tree, anxious to get as far away from the new split as possible. You move maybe a few feet when you feel an energy behind you. You spin before the source can say a word.

"You. Who are you?" Kylo Ren grunts, battered, and bleeding. A new burn scar is spread across his face, blood coming from his side. You didn't expect a murderer to be so... beautiful. Your stunned silence annoys him.  
"Who?" He lifts his hand and freezes you in place. The pain makes you scream, and tears start flowing down your face. Your head pounds, feeling your pulse in your ears. You stare at Kylo's face, and his eyes widen.  
"You... you know everything. You're coming with me." A ship lands meters away, and you have a notion that you will not be back on the Resistance Base for a long time. Kylo releases you, and you fall to the ground again, gasping. You can feel that he's weakened. Kylo squints his eyes at you, and energy remains to linger between the two of you. Two Stormtroopers come running to him, and they both go to help carry him to the ship.  
"Get the pilot. She'll be of use to me," He pants.  
You're beginning to grow too weak to move. Kylo injuring you was the last strain your body could take. You let the Trooper bring you to Kylo's personal ride out of here. Exhaustion takes over you, and you pass out as the Trooper drags you on board.


	2. Holding Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being held captive in a medbay wouldn't be so unappealing if you were with your allies on the resistance base. Not to mention, the interrogation from Kylo Ren is quite annoying.

Waking slowly, you are immediately met with a ringing in your ears and a pounding in your head. You refuse to open your eyes because that would exacerbate this problem. You try to move your hands up to your temples, but cold steel digs into your wrists. Despite the fear of opening your eyes, they shoot open, and you look down at your hands. Your whole body is restrained to the table (the broken ankle is wrapped in a cast). You struggle to get your arms free, but of course, they wouldn't budge. 

"I'm not a monster, you know!" you shout to the void, knowing at least one person was watching you. You put your head back down and huffed. Shortly after, the doors woosh open, and footsteps come stomping into the room. You lift your head, and Kylo Ren stands at the foot of your bed. An energy buzzes within the room - both of you can feel it. He doesn't acknowledge it, but under the mask, you don't know where he's looking at you or what faces he's making. 

"Don't worry. I'm not a child like you're not a monster." he snaps, walking over to stand by your head. He read your mind - time to shut him out. You close your eyes and try your best to put a mental wall between him and you. The heat of his body was warming up your arm, electricity pulsing through your veins.

"What are you trying to do, pilot? You're weak. You can't possibly think that will work." 

All of a sudden, your body is frozen; your brain feels like it's being stabbed with a thousand needles. You cry out in pain, but you try to keep that wall up. The harder you work, he pushes back. He finally breaks through, all of your inner strength fading. As tears stain your cheeks, you hear him state your name.

"Your parents were farmers on Sorgan. You were destined to be one of them, but you had something special about you. The Force... it chose you. Why? You were forced to keep it hidden. Oh, the things your father did to you-"  
"Stop it."  
"What? Can't handle the truth?" You can hear Kylo circling the table, your heart pounding out of your chest. "Silly little girl. So naive. So... innocent."

You close your eyes, slowing your breathing. You try feeling the energy all around you, flowing through everything. You feel the balance inside of you, and build a brick wall in your mind. 

"Give me what I want to know," he murmurs cooly, placing his fingers on your temple. Vibrations are felt through your body, and the piercing between your ears is back again. 

"I won't give it to you. What you're looking for will never be found," you spit. Kylo immediately tries harder, the pain intensifying. Tears stream down your cheeks faster. Kylo's concentration is written all over his face, eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed.

"Where is the resistance base? Tell me." It feels like he's squeezing your brain, crushing you like a bug. You start screaming in pain, then when you couldn't take it anymore, you finally let yourself break.

"D'Qar." His fingers leave your temple and the hold he has on you releases. He takes his helmet and turns away from you, putting it back on. Before leaving your quarters, he turns and looks at you over his shoulder.  
"I can train you, you know. I can show you the ways of the Force. You're weak. I can make you strong." Lifting your head, you make eye contact with him.  
"Fuck you." 

Kylo chuckles, and with a swish with his cape, he is gone.

You were alone for a few more agonizing days while you healed. Around the third day, someone in a fancy suit came into your room with two Stormtroopers. Wordlessly, they released you from the restraints that were keeping you down on the table. Red marks are left on your wrists and arms from trying to wriggle out yourself. The Troopers grab hold of your arms and hoist you off the table. 

"H-hey, I can move by myself, you know."  
"Be quiet." the general commanded. 

Sliding off the bed, you are escorted out of the room and into the hallway, where a third trooper waited for you.  
"I demand to know where you're taking me," you huff, marching down the hallway. Silence hung in the air as the Stormtrooper behind you poked you in the back with his blaster to keep you moving. The general was leading the group, looking straight ahead. This was your first time on a Star Destroyer, and you were in awe. Everything was large and dark. The mood was heavy, the interior was grey colors, everyone's demeanor was serious... you hated it. 

Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes and feel the balance within yourself. You focus your energy on the general's mind, trying to find where he's taking you. The power you have shocked you, but you keep your emotions locked away. You can hear the conversations he's had in the past, and you find the one about you. Another General with fiery hair and terrible sideburns faces the one leading you to your next destination. 

"Commander Ren demands that you take the prisoner to a proper cell. She will give us the information we need, whether she wants to or not."  
"Yes, General Hux."

Opening your eyes, you remove yourself from his memory, and he is rubbing his temples, grimacing. 

"What were you doing to me, Rebel Scum?" He turns, and all blasters are pointed at you in a split second.  
"Nothing. Why would you think I was doing something?"  
"I know you know how to use the Force. Don't you dare try to play any of those... tricks on me. Stun her." 

Before the Trooper could pull out the stun gun, you disarm one of the Stormtroopers and steal his blaster and shoot him. The two Troopers immediately fire, but their terrible aim holds true, and they miss. You tuck and roll, taking cover behind a stack of boxes. Two shots to each Trooper - and they were down. The general starts running and yells into a comlink.

"The pilot has-"

You finish your sentence for him with a shot of your blaster. You hear a bombardment of footsteps running towards you, and you knew it was time for you to run. You start running through the maze that this store destroyer was. You stopped running when you couldn't run anymore. 

You take cover in an indent in a wall, and you fall down against a support beam and slide to the ground. You tilt your head back and catch your breath. You lost them, but now what? You had no idea how to get to the landing bay to fly out of here. Plus, the Destroyer was definitely on red alert. Everyone knew that they were looking for a manic girl that murdered four people and knew how to use the Force. After catching your breath, you slowly stand up and start sneaking your way out of your cover. You slowly walk down the hallway, making sure to watch all directions, so you aren't ambushed. Your breath hitches in your throat when you make the wrong turn and come face to face with Kylo Ren. You instinctively shoot as soon as you see him. He freezes the laser in mid-air, while simultaneously freezing you. 

"You're a foolish girl." He rumbles, moving out of the way to let the laser shoot into the endless hallway behind him. You're kept frozen, and he pulls you closer towards him. "You don't know who you're messing with."  
"You're not going to win. You, Snoke... You're fighting a useless battle. We are going to take the First Order down, and we will rise."  
"You don't need to hold onto that hope. We're stronger than your little Resistance. It's easy to take you out," Kylo pulls you in even closer, the energy and heat between your bodies making your heart pound. The robotic voice from his mask sends shivers down your spine. This monster has a hold on you and not just physically. Why? Kylo feels it too, and it seems to only feed him. Rage was building up in your chest. 

"What made you think you could come out of here alive?"

You don't answer - you just spit on his mask. He throws you against the wall with a wave of your hand, and you cry out in pain. You try keeping your cool as he walks towards you, not showing the fear you felt within you. He removes his helmet, tosses it aside, and, kneeling on the ground to meet your height, comes inches away from your face, speaking softly.  
"I could kill you, you know. In one second, your whole, pathetic life, gone in a flash." his warm breath hits your face, making you tremble. But not in fear. You swallow hard and glance around his face, taking in the details: every freckle, every inch of his scar, every eyelash... he was beautiful. Yet, he had the most punchable face in the star system. Using the Force, you slip back into his mind and raid through his memories. 

"I'm not afraid of you," you murmur back coolly. "I was. But not anymore. I know that you still fight within yourself. You're still attached to someone in the light... your parents..." you try looking deeper, but you hear silence in his head.  
"You have no idea what you're talking about!" He changes instantly, punching the wall beside your head, denting it. He stands and lifts you up with him by the collar of your shirt.  
"My past does not define me. I know what I have to do, and this is none of your business, pilot. Your father should have kept beating you, so I didn't have to finish it for him." 

Your hand swiftly flies at his face, but he catches it with one of his hands. He throws you to the ground, and you brace yourself, being able to roll without hurting yourself too much. You stand up, and with a war cry, you run and tackle him down to the ground. You hear the wind get knocked out of him, but that doesn't stop him from immediately rolling you over and pinning you to the ground. You try pushing against him - he's too powerful. Electricity is flying through the air; the tension in the room hot and thick.

Through the rage, the magnetism between the two of you grows stronger. Kylo's chest heaves with each breath he takes. He inches closer and closer, and your breathing matches his own, your stomach flipping inside itself. He hesitates for a second - then places his lips on yours.

At first, the kiss is tender. Testing the waters. Then it turns hungry. He keeps you pinned to the ground as your mouths fight, his soft, plump lips never leaving yours for a second. You have no idea what came over you, but you wanted him and wanted him badly. You wrap your legs around his body and pull him in closer, and his member presses against your core. You moan into his mouth, and he seizes this moment to slip his tongue between your lips. Your tongues wrestle and don't leave an inch of your mouths unexplored. 

After what seems like minutes, he pulls away, lips glistening. You pant, and you both seem to realize what just happened. Kylo hesitates for a moment as his eyes glance around your face. He releases you, stands, and turns away from you. He balls his hands into fists - clearly fighting within himself. You sit up and back up against the wall and quickly wipe away the saliva left on your mouth.

Kylo turns around again after gaining his composure. His eyes are wanting. Kylo's hands seem to travel towards his belt when the blast doors open. A team of Stormtroopers jog into the hallway. Kylo's eyes remain trained on you, hands back at his sides. 

"Take her to an isolation cell." Kylo Ren orders. Two troopers walk up to you. You back yourself into the wall, and you try shoving them back with the Force. You've gotten used to finding the balance within you. You're strong enough to make them fly backward, but not quick enough to stop the other four coming in as backup. They work together as a team to pin you down and clap restraints over your wrists. They hoist you up, and you start to wriggle out of their grip. 

"This is idiotic! I don't have any other information you need! Let me go!"  
"Oh, don't worry. You'll be of use to me. I have plans for you." 

Kylo's eyes have not left you since he turned around. As the Stormtroopers take you away, you feel his eyes burning the back of your skull. As they escort you through the blast doors, you turn and take one more look at Kylo Ren. His eyes scan your body, and your eyes meet before the doors shut between you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm gonna try posting every Monday, even though today is Tuesday... I hope the virus situation isn't dampening your spirits. Hang in there!!


	3. I Can Smell Your Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being in isolation for a few days, Kylo uses you for his little game. What he plans to do with that information is unknown, but he has clear intentions for you.

It's been a few days since you've been in the isolation cell - you think. The lights are always on, and it's dead silent besides those walking through the hallways. The only interaction you get is whatever Stormtrooper on duty brings you your 3 meals of the day (which is always bone-broth and a stale piece of bread). You eavesdrop for fun, learning rumors about Kylo, General Hux, and the first order in general. However, it stops being fun when you hear that D'qar was attacked. In retaliation and an effort to distract, Poe led an attack on a dreadnought. He won. You guess there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. 

It was lunchtime, around day 4 or 5, when the door opened, and three Stormtroopers were waiting for you. Two kept their blasters focused on you when a third cuffed your hands immediately, spilling your meal all over you. 

"Hey! Watch it!"  
"Oh, be quiet." 

You remain silent for a few seconds when you pass the bathroom. A stupid idea sprang upon you. 

"I don't think whoever requested me ordered a side soup with that. At least bring me to the showers." you were hoping that you can plan an escape and that the clones were as stupid as you thought they were. 

Silence. Well, fuck. Plan A out the door. 

They shoved you into the hallway without a word. One led you while the other two were on your side, both troopers hooking their arms through yours and practically dragging you through the corridors. You fight your way, getting many looks from the people passing by. You catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and notice your appearance. Your messy hair and soiled pilot suit was no way you wanted to look, but I guess that's what happens when you're a prisoner. You hoped that everyone thought you were as crazy as you seemed. 

After a bit of walking, they walk you to an interrogation room. When you take in your surroundings, fear strikes your stomach, and you feel like hurling. You instantly start thrashing. You try attacking the troopers holding your arms by elbowing the one on your left and kicking the one on your right. The left trooper goes down, but the armor stops your elbow from doing any significant damage to the one currently sticking your neck with a stunner. Electricity jolts your body, and you instantly go out. 

You know you wake up moments later because the Stormtroopers are leaving, and heavy boots are walking in. Kylo Ren's face is already revealed; face glistening with sweat, bags under his eyes, the bandage still covering his burn. You could tell he was fighting with emotions. Your body is frozen in place from the stun, so you can make no effort in freeing yourself or using the Force. You're forced to sit and watch as this creature walks into the room and sits beside you. He places his elbows on his knees and hangs his head down, focusing on the floor. 

"You're going to tell me everything you know about the Resistance, pilot."  
"You keep saying that. But I won't."  
"I want to make this easy for you. Give it to me, and I'll let you go." Kylo looks up at you, his face blank, then twists in confusion. "Why do you look like that?" 

Okay, fucker. 

"Excuse me? You try being kept in isolation for days. You did this to me. Why do you look like that? Because a girl beat you up? Poor thing." 

Kylo gets up and touches his fingers to your temple and basically squeezes your brain dry. You hold in pain, but you can't keep in your tears. He makes sure to maintain eye contact with you, but you try and turn your head away. 

"No. Look at me." He grabs your chin and turns your head to face him, fear making your blood curdle. He keeps eye contact with you as he learns everything about you and the Resistance. You start to wail, the pain in your head so intense no words can describe. When he's finished, he tosses your head to the side, and you break out in sobs. 

"Thank you." he starts leaving, keeping you in the restraints.  
"I hate you. You are nothing but a coward. You get your sick kicks preying on innocent people who are just trying to do the right thing. I may be weak, but I am stronger than you ever will be." you spit on the ground where he once stood. His footsteps have stopped walking away, but you can feel him in the room.

"You don't know when to stop talking, do you?" his steps slowly drew nearer.  
"You learned that when you tortured me the first time." your hands balled into fists, preparing for the worst.  
"I thought you would have learned your lesson by now." his feet stopped right behind you. You can feel his presence lingering, along with the silence that followed. You closed your eyes and got in touch with the Force, trying to predict his next move. He wanted to act out desperately, destroying you with his-

"Do you have nothing left to say?" he whispered, his lips grazing your ear, warm breath rolling down your neck and sending shivers through your spine. The tension in the air becomes thick.  
"I'm not afraid of you," you whisper back.  
"You've said this," he murmurs, traveling to the other side. "You and I both know you're lying. I can smell your fear." he inhales deeply, goosebumps pimpling your skin. 

He finally comes face to face with you, eyes hungry like they were the day you tried attacking him. Your chest was heaving as his eyes traveled your body, and yours his. The energy between you two was raw and powerful, and you couldn't help it. His eyes went to the restraints, then back to your face. 

"You try and escape, you'll never see the light of day again." with a swift movement, he removes your restraints. You stay on the cold metal you are leaning against, left guessing of what to do next. Kylo isn't sure either. You act swiftly, getting up and running to the door. He grabs your wrist and pulls you to his chest, one arm around your middle and one across your chest holding you so tight you can't free yourself.  
"A rebel, no matter the circumstance. Do you ever listen?" 

You bite down on his gloved hand, but he doesn't budge. You clamp down harder, and sure enough, he lets go of you, and you try to run again. He holds you in place with the Force. You struggle against his invisible grip, desperate to run. 

"Enough! You cannot escape. You will never see your rebel alliance again. I've taken what I needed from you, and now you will rot in that cell."  
"They'll come for me. They'll find me," you insisted, more to yourself than Kylo Ren.  
"You think they know where you are? Your body was taken from your fighter and the planet was destroyed. You no longer exist. You are nothing." 

He storms to you and makes you face him. You come face to face, having to crane your neck just to make eye contact. The aura you felt in the hallway at your first confrontation is back. You could practically see the sparks in the air as your hair stood on its ends. Butterflies were dancing in your stomach, and for some damn reason, you wanted his hands on you. As if he read your mind, he placed his hands on your waist and crashed his lips to yours, the same hunger fueling his actions. 

The Force is released from you, and your arms wrap around his neck. You walk him to the interrogation contraption and lean him against it, your lips not taking a break for a second. His wandering hands cup your ass as yours hold his face. You wanted to focus on the longing you felt for him; instead, you devised an escape plan.

A few minutes of wandering hands and mouths led to dry humping. One hand was tugging Kylo's hair, your mouth leaving bruises on his neck, your hips rolling back and forth on his ever-growing erection. Kylo's fingers were fidgeting with your suit, revealing another layer of clothes underneath. As he worked on revealing your chest, his moans were music to your ears as you dragged your fingernails down his scalp. When your breasts were exposed to the cold air, his lips latched onto one of them as his free hand palmed the other. A moan passed your lips, and he hummed in response. He pulled away and looked up at your face. His hands went to his belt, and you stopped him. Not a word was exchanged when he leaned back and gave you permission to do it yourself. 

You kissed his neck as one hand worked on unlatching his belt. Whenever a hand raised to your body, you made sure to lay it back down. After two or three times, he complied. The mood was beginning to turn. You didn't feel the desire for him; you were feeling moments ago. Adrenaline was now pumping through your veins as your hand swiftly went to the lock button, and restraints clamped shut. You pulled away from his body and hid the parts of your body that had been revealed. His face was practically red with rage, belt undone, tent remaining in his trousers. 

"You whore! Get back here and-"  
"If you think I'm going to release you, you're an idiot." you zipped up your pilot suit and smirked at him. "You let your feelings get to you. I don't know anything about the dark side, but I do know that you're supposed to get horny for your hostage.." 

Kylo's immense rage filled the room. He screamed obscenities and maybe even some gibberish as you broke open the lock to the door and ran out of the room. 

The first Stormtrooper you see, you immediately knock them out by taking a mouse droid and hitting them over the head with it. You drag them into a closet and undress them, replacing their armor with your uniform. You leave them in the closet, marching around the star destroyer aimlessly. You needed to find your way to the landing bay and take the first tie fighter out of here. 

You feel like you've been wandering for ages before a red alert finally takes place. Red lights start flashing, and alarms start blaring. The panic set in, and you had to find someone to help you fast. Hordes of stormtroopers are jogging in all directions, looking for you. They keep their heads straight, even if they think one lone trooper wandering aimlessly is strange. 

A few turns down many hallways, and you finally spot two troopers standing guard at a random door. You walk swiftly up to them, and they look at each other then at you. 

"Aren't you a little short to be a Stormtrooper?" the left one says.  
"Yea, but I'm the best they got. I'm new here, can you send me in the direction of the flight deck? I was assigned there, and I lost my way."  
"Down that hall, three floors down. Can't miss it." the one on the right says.  
"Thank you." You turn and start to follow the directions, when you hear the door they were guarding opens. Your hair immediately stands on its ends. As you round the corner, you can see Kylo Ren's eyes once again burning holes into your helmet out of your peripherals. 

After rounding that corner, you practically run through the hallways. You know Ren is following you. Once you reach three floors down, you hop into a formation heading into the landing bay. You split off and go to the first tie fighter you see. 

"Stop that Stormtrooper!" Kylo's voice booms through the bay, pointing straight at you with his lightsaber. It's time to make a break for that fighter.

You pull out the blaster on your hip and shoot whoever is standing in your way. You climb in, and the switchboard in front of you is similar to an x-wing. But, you decide to take the easy route and flip all the buttons within reach. The fighter eventually lifts off the ground, and you start to fly out of there, lasers shooting your ship as a last effort to bring you down. You jump to lightspeed and take off your helmet. After a few seconds of silence, adrenaline stops, and you start sobbing. This last week, or however long it's been, has been hard. You just release everything pent up inside of you until you can't anymore. 

Wiping away the fluids left on your face, you pick up the communicator and send a message to every code in the Resistance you know. You first state your name.

"This is Red Leader One of the Resistance. I crashed on Starkiller Base a while ago and survived. If you can hear me, anyone, please tell me where you are stationed. I've been in Kylo Ren's captivity for days and finally escaped in a tie-fighter. I need your help. Anyone." 

For a few minutes, it's silent. Then a voice breaks through in his classic, loving, asshole way.

"Red One, this is Black Leader, where the fuck have you been?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I know I’m teasing you but I love it 😏 It's a little shorter this week, sorry! Disclaimer: I'm gonna start trying to stray away from the storyline of the movies so I’m sorry ahead of time if it doesn't make sense 😬


	4. The Irrational Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're back with the Resistance. You're still trying to shake off the week you just had, but the First Order has different plans.

You haven't been able to stop crying since Poe answered your call. You were a mess of emotions, and you couldn't handle it. 

"I have so much to tell you, Poe. Oh my god. Where are you guys stationed now?"  
"We're hiding out in an old rebel base on Crait. Sending coordinates now. We've been here trying to plan our next few moves to hide from the first order. We.. we took hard hits."  
"Give me the rundown when I get there. I'll be there soon."  
"You got it." 

You smile to yourself and wipe away the last of the tears escaping your eyes. You put the fighter into autopilot and lean back as it starts heading towards the coordinates punched in. 

Staring out into the dark abyss of space, you file through the memory cabinet in your brain. You do the math of how many days you were stuck on Kylo Ren's ship. You were out for maybe two days in the medbay unconscious, then perhaps 3 to heal your ribs and ankle. Then around 5 in the isolation cell. 10 days you were held by that maniacal asshole. But you're tough. You would have kicked that shit's teeth in if you had the chance. But, instead, you kind of… almost had sex with him. ...Twice. 

You ran your fingers through your hair, and you took a deep breath. Okay, the second time was because you were trying to escape, so that makes it okay, right? And the first time… god. What is wrong with you? You groan and try shaking the thoughts from your head, but they wouldn't leave. Yea, you have eyes. But why did you want this mass murder to ravish you for three hours straight? 

When you approached the planet, you fell out of light speed and slowly descended to the base. You parked in the tiny landing bay and climbed out, still in your trooper armor. Dameron, some of your pilot friends, and Porro are waiting for you. You jumped onto the floor, and Porro ran to you, attacking you in a bear hug. You fall to the floor in a tight embrace. 

"Don't you EVER do that again! Don't ever scare me like that!" Porro scolds. You grip onto their uniform and nod into their chest.  
"I'm sorry, Porro, I'm so sorry." After letting them cry, you stand up and hug the rest of the people welcoming you back. Poe is last. 

Poe hugs you tight, almost like he's afraid to let go.

"It's brave, what you did out there. You saved my life."  
"I would do it again in a heartbeat." You pull away, but something is off. "What's wrong?" he shakes his head and shamefully looks at the ground.  
"I should've gone down and got you; I had the time. We destroyed the oscillator and I wanted to go back and get you. I'm so sorry,"  
"It's not your fault. It's what happens when you have a risky job like this." you smile, and he flashes a half-smile back. Your cheeks flush and you look away. "I'm going to change, I'm sweating buckets in here."  
"We have to talk. General Organa needs to know what happened there, and what you know." Poe follows as you head to the supply area to look for a new uniform.  
"Waste no time getting to business? Look, I-I only heard what passing Stormtroopers were talking about. I don't know much," you faltered. "Also… I don't know if I should talk to her. I'm not good enough to be in front of Leia." you fish through the boxes quickly, desperate to end the conversation.  
"Oh, please, she's just a person. It'll be easy. I'll be there the whole time." He hands you a neatly folded uniform. You look up at him, and he smiles and rubs your back.  
"You got this. Get changed and come meet me in the war room." with a wink, Poe leaves. 

Walking to a private area to change, your thoughts race. Leia's going to be able to tell that you are one with the Force. Yea, you want to know more about it and how you can use it. But you'd rather just keep it a secret. You're okay with being a pilot; you don't have to have to go train somewhere miles away from everything you know. You practically shake in your boots just thinking about it.

After changing, you get directed to where the big leagues are meeting. Before walking in, you can see Poe, Finn, Leia, and Lieutenant Connix. You walk into the room and shut it behind you. The small chatter goes silent, and everyone looks up at you. You scratch the back of your neck and shift your feet. 

"Um… hi," you whisper, nerves making your stomach swirl. You stare down at the ground, eyes flicking up to Poe, then General Organa. Poe walks over to you and puts his hand on the small of your back, pushing you forward.

"Guys, this is the pilot that sent us the distress signal." He introduced you to everyone. They might not know you, but you know of them.  
"N-nice to meet you all personally." You look up and make eye contact with Leia, who is studying you carefully. She spoke up when you looked back down at your hands.  
"I heard you were on Kylo's ship."  
"Yes, ma'am."  
"Is there anything you can tell us? Anything you might've heard about any plans?" Finn chipped in.  
"I don't know. Um, Snoke is dead. There was a rumor Kylo killed him himself," you muttered,  
"Do you know if they're headed towards here?" She questioned, leaning in closer.  
"I don't know, I just know they're pissed about you guys getting away. The last time I spoke to Kylo…" your cheeks flushed, and you looked away. Keeping eye contact with anyone in this room was extremely hard. 

"He tortured me, I guess. He went through all of my memories. He could know anything about the Resistance now."  
"Did you learn anything about him? Get any information out of him?" Leia questioned. You shook your head.  
"No. But you could tell that Kylo let his emotions get to him a lot. He was holding onto something, and it was hurting him." Leia sighed when you finished talking.  
"Kylo Ren… he's my son. Ben Solo is his true name. He murdered Han the night the Starkiller base was destroyed, the night you were kidnapped."  
"Holy shit." You can recall that you almost learned that the first time you met. You crossed your arms on the table and leaned forward, getting dizzy at the memories of the pain he put you in. 

A few seconds go by, and Leia places a hand on your arm. A gentle, loving touch that causes a little spark, like getting a static shock. When you feel it, you raise your head and make eye contact with Leia. She strokes your arm with her thumb. 

"It's okay. I felt it too," Leia whispers, knowing now that you are Force-sensitive.  
"Wh-what do we feel? What are we feeling?" Finn says, looking from face to face.  
"She's force sensitive." Connix gasps.  
"I thought Rey was the only one left… How long have you known?" Leia asks. You pull away from the table, leaving Leia's touch.  
"I-I just want to tell you what I know and get out and take a shower. I've been in captivity for a week, and I don't want to talk about it." You stammer out, getting scared. Poe walks to you and puts a hand on your shoulder.  
"It's okay, don't worry. It's okay. We'll do a little bit at a time."  
"You're right. Is there anything else we should know?" Connix speaks up.  
"Well, he might know where a good chunk of our bases are, since Porro tells me about their travels. Kylo won't know about this one because I didn't know about it, so we should be safe here."  
"Thank you, dear. You can go now." Leia smiles and gives you a nod as a thank you.  
You leave as fast as you can. Footsteps follow you, along with your name being called.

"Wait up!" Poe jogs to catch up to your fast pace.  
"What now, Poe?"  
"I… just wanted to check in on you. For real." Poe grabs your hand to stop you from walking. You stay in place and don't turn to look at him.  
"I'm fine. Can I please shower?" Your grip tightens on his hand as the despair in your chest grows heavy. 

No one seems to understand how hard this has been on you. The tears may have dried, but you still feel the damage. You don't have to say a word to Poe for him to know how tired you were. He tugs your arm and pulls you into another embrace. You nuzzle your face into his neck, and he lays his cheek against your head. He lets you stay there for as long as you need it. After a few minutes, you speak up.

"I have to shower. I'm disgusting," you whisper. Poe chuckles, making a smile spread across your face.  
"And I've been hugging you for this long? Gross." You laugh, and he finally pulls away from the hug. His touch lingers on your arms for a second before finally letting go. Your cheeks flush once again as he clears his throat. Your heart is aflutter as he flashes one more dopey smile at you before leaving you to your own devices. 

You walk to the showers and remove your clothing, getting in. You let the hot water run over you, the tension in your body releasing. You stand there for what feels like hours, letting your mind go silent. Maybe you weren't cut out for the Resistance. You've been here for 4 years, and you loved it, but what if you belong on Sorgan? Farming krill for the rest of your life couldn't be that bad. Find a nice man, settle down, have a couple kids Boring as hell, but safe. You didn't want to come face to face with Kylo Ren ever again, and being in the Resistance with dwindling numbers, it seemed like there's a good chance it'll happen. 

You get out of the shower once your skin prunes. You dry off and put your clothes back on and leave the washroom. In the amount of time you were in there, something happened. Chaos was ensuing as everyone was preparing for battle. Porro was the first person your eyes landed on, so you ran to them. 

"What's going on?" You ask, taking Porro's hand.  
"The First Order tracked us here with the tie-fighter you highjacked." The color drains from your face, and you start to feel nauseous.  
"Oh… oh my god."  
"Don't even worry about it, honey. The people that can't fight are staying here. Poe will need your help. They found some old speeders." you nod and hug them as they rub your back. "Go get em, kid." 

Porro kisses your forehead and sends you off. You jog to Poe, who is helping people load into literal trash cans, but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

"Which one do I take?" you ask as Poe starts moving to the next speeder. He stops and looks at you.  
"You're not going on this. I need you safe." Taken aback, you scoff, crossing your arms.  
"I'm not some damsel in distress. I can do this" Poe puts a hand on your shoulder.

"You almost died on Starkiller. I'm not letting that happen again. You… "he sighs and runs a hand through his curly locks. "I can't lose you, okay? You're an asset… and.. Well, I just…" he struggles to get his words out, and he grabs you by the shoulders and kisses you passionately. 

You inhale sharply through your nose, surprised, but not completely. You've been flirting for as long as you could remember. You kissed back and placed your hands on Poe's chest. 

Pulling away, you look into each other's eyes. 

"Do you trust me?" he whispers, and you nod. You hug one last time before he gets into his speeder.  
"Stay safe out there," you call to him as the speeder starts to slowly advance. He looks over his shoulder and smiles at you.  
"Always am." The 13 speeders take off, and you turn to go back and stay with the others inside of the base. You decide to report to Lieutenant Connix to see what you can do. 

"We can't do anything but wait," she replies dejectedly. "Our distress signal has been received. We're just waiting for someone to see it." 

You sigh and sit down on a box, putting hands in your hair. Everyone sits around and listens to the communications going on between the different forces helping to win this battle. The minutes go by when Poe's voice calls out in distress, 

"The cannon is charged, all craft pull away!" You stand up and stare at the speaker, heart pounding in your chest.  
"No, I'm almost there!" Finn responds.  
"Retreat Finn, that's an order!" Poe commands.

You look to Lt. Connix with desperation.  
"Did anyone respond?" She sighs and looks at the screen in front of her.  
"Our distress signal was received at multiple points, but no response."

A few seconds later, there's a small explosion, and the bay door has a sizable hole in it.  
Everyone looks to Leia for any word of comfort. Silence falls as she slowly sits down. Even C3PO seems sad.

"We fought till the very end… but the galaxy has lost its hope. The spark is out."  
Nerves twist in your stomach. You run out of the room, looking for the two people in your life you can't lose. 

You find Porro in a different room with a few other older resistance members. Porro stands when they see you. 

"What's going on?"  
"The Order… they're coming in. They made it."  
"Oh… oh no." there are a few murmurs from the other people in the room.  
"Get your blasters ready… just in case."  
"No matter what happens, lovie," Porro whispers, hugging you. "You are the best daughter I could have ever asked for." you embrace and take a deep breath.  
"No goodbyes. This isn't over yet." you pull away, and Porro has tears in their eyes. You placed a hand on their cheek.  
"Baba... you were the best parent a girl could ask for. Thank you for encouraging me to join the Resistance." you hug them one more time. "I love you."  
"Y-you haven't called me baba in so long," they laugh sadly, hugging you tightly back.  
"I felt like you needed the push." You whisper. 

In the distance, you hear a commotion coming into base. You look over your shoulder, and the forces who were left are running back inside. You look back at Porro, and they nod, knowing you need to search for Poe. You didn't know that it would be the last time you saw them. 

You run away to help the brave souls back into the shelter. You bring medical staff to the people who are hurt, and Poe catches your eye. 

You run to each other and tackle each other in a hug. 

"Oh, thank the maker." You mutter.  
"Come on. Let's take cover." 

The people strong enough to fight take cover behind boxes, tables, and other structures big enough to hide behind. It's silent. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. The footsteps from AT-M6's were making the cave shudder. When you were preparing to stand and fight, a girl calls out from the other end of the cave.  
"Guys, follow me! Luke is using his force projection to distract Kylo so we can escape. We don't have much time." 

Poe looks at you and looks at the woman. It must be Rey. You've heard of her and seen her in passing, but you've never heard her speak.  
"Let's go," Poe says, standing up and grabbing your hand to help you up. You stand, and you prepare to go, but something is holding you back. You stand in place. You can feel yourself changing. Poe tries to tug you along. You don’t budge, so he turns to you and states your name curtly. 

"What are you doing? We have to go."  
"I… I'm gonna stay back and make sure that everyone gets out of here, okay?" Poe nods.  
"I'll help you." 

It's not exactly what you wanted… but that's okay. 

You and Poe get everyone out of the cave through the opening that Rey freed by rearranging the rocks blocking the exit. When it was time for you and Poe to leave, you were still hesitant. You stood at the opening to the cave, watching everyone left file into Millennium Falcon. Poe stood a few feet away from you, reaching his hand out to you. 

"Please. We don't have much time," Poe pleads. You search for an excuse to give him to let you stay. You search the ground with your eyes, panicking. Something in your heart was begging you to turn around and go back in that cave. It felt deep, dark. It gave you exhilaration. You felt angry, and you didn't want to leave. You wanted to face Kylo Ren.  
"No. I have to do something. Please, go without me. I'll find you." Poe strides to you.  
"Do you want to die? Because I'm not letting you. You're coming with us," he pleads. You ball your hands into fists, looking at the ground. You look up at him with a straight face.  
"I need to stay. I'm sorry." His eyes searched yours, his heart visibly breaking.  
"What's going on, man. Why are you doing this?" Poe begged.  
"Come on, let's go!" Finn called from the falcon. 

Poe looked back at him from over his shoulder. You cupped his cheek in your hand and pulled his face back to yours. You planted a sweet kiss on his lips before concentrating all of your energy. You pushed Poe away from you and towards the ship. You used your other hand to coax the rocks back to the wall, pulling them in and piling them to make sure anyone without the Force couldn't pull them out. You could hear Poe's shouting from the other side of the wall. Once you were done using the Force, you stumbled, head going fuzzy and ears ringing. You waited a few minutes to get your bearings back before picking up a stray blaster and putting it on your belt. 

As you walk to the landing bay, you can see General Hux screaming at Kylo Ren, as well as Stormtroopers of all Rankings searching every inch of the cave. The closer you get to Kylo, the more the fury in your chest rises. The electricity pricks your skin when you lay eyes on him. The fire licks your ribs and feels like it extends through your fingertips. Kylo feels it. 

He turns around immediately and locks eye contact with you. General Hux continues to ramble  
"And I dare say it, you are distracted even now! You blow everything. You are the worst-"  
"Shut up." Kylo commands. Hux scoffs but complies. 

Stormtroopers focus their blasters on you as they get prepared to fire on command. 

You walk right up to Kylo Ren like fear never existed. There is only anger and disturbance. You want to destroy Kylo Ren on sight, but you are beckoned to this… rage. This hurt. You want to know more about it, the emotion fueling your desire to grow stronger. Your mind felt clouded, yet so clear. You wanted to go with the Resistance. You wanted nothing more to help them take the First Order down. You wanted to develop that relationship with Poe. None of that mattered now. Your rational mind was departing.

Your irrational mind was the one making you keep silent eye contact with Kylo Ren. You wanted to learn about the Force now, and you wanted to learn it from him. You've never felt such motivation in your life. The light side was screaming at you to wake up, telling you that you're being controlled. The dark side was telling you to take Kylo's outstretched hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah! I'm sorry this chapter was so long, I kinda struggled to get Kylo back into the picture because that's who we're here for, isn't it? But I just HAD to spice it up with our favorite good boy Poe. We love a love triangle. Thank you to the people reading and commenting. It really means so much to me. I appreciate the feedback :)


	5. Speak Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being overcome with want to learn how to use the Force, you find yourself face to face with Kylo Ren. What happens next is up to you.

"You can do it. You can learn from me, everything you need to know," Ren spoke calmly. 

You said nothing. 

"I can feel the fighting inside of you. I know that you want to go back to the Resistance, but you don't like it. All the running. You'd rather fight. They're weak, and you know you're stronger than that." Kylo Ren takes off his glove, showing more of his skin. He becomes more human by the second. 

You look up at him and into his eyes. They're tired, but you can see that he's sincere. He wants to teach you, and you want to learn. Something was still nagging you at the back of your mind.

"I don't know if I can." You whisper, your mind swirling with thoughts.  
"I can hear what you're thinking. None of that matters. We can let old things die. I can help you be who you were meant to be." 

You stare at his hand and swallow the lump in your throat. 

"If I have any say in this, I think that you are better off killing her than training her. We're wasting time here. Let's go." Hux sighs, tired of this game. With a swift hand movement, Kylo Ren pushes him away enough for him to stumble and fall backward. 

"Please," Ren whispers. Nerves knotted your stomach as you reach and touch Kylo's hand. As your hand grasps his, that familiar electric feeling you know all too well prickles your skin and sends goosebumps up your arm. You look at him, his face still stone cold. But you can tell so much from his eyes. His eyes were glistening with excitement, but they flick down when he quickly places a restraint on your wrist. You just raise your other hand in defeat. You knew you wouldn't be able to win anyway. 

"A precaution," he shrugs, locking in your other wrist. He turns away from you to face Hux, who was wiping salt and dust off of his once pristine uniform.  
"This is a terrible idea. Snoke would never approve of this."  
"He is not the supreme leader anymore, is he?" Kylo says, threateningly. "Let's head back to the ship." 

Looking back at you, he gestures to two Stormtroopers, and they come up to either side of you as an escort. You made sure to keep your back straight and to never falter. You needed to remain strong, even if your new confidence was slowly slipping away. What if this was a mistake?

"It's too late to back out now. If you did, I'd simply kill you," Kylo says as he starts walking back to the command shuttle. You look down at your feet. No. He was right. It's too late. This is what you wanted, and you are going to do it. You wanted a different routine than the Resistance, and this was going to be way different from that. You could hear Kylo chuckle ahead of you. 

"This mind-reading stuff? It's getting old." you huffed.  
"You're going to have to get used to it. I need to make sure you're not planning another escape." 

You, Kylo, the troopers, and Hux load the command shuttle as the pilots who were aboard waited for their next command. You are sat towards the back of the shuttle, the troopers on either side of you. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. This is it. The start of your new journey. 

While being transported to the Finalizer, you made sure to stare anywhere but the people in the command shuttle. Kylo made sure to stare at you. 

"You are not a prisoner. You're my guest. You can act like it." Kylo advised.  
"I still don't know if I'm making the right decision," You mutter.  
"You are. I will make this worth your while, Pilot."  
"You can stop calling me that. I think I'm not a pilot anymore." You looked up at Kylo as he leaned back against the wall.  
"If this doesn't work out, I'll make you a pilot for the first order. Indentured servitude will suffice."  
"Oh, was that a joke? Are you making jokes now?" You scoff. All you get back is the corner of his mouth twitching as he looks away from you to General Hux. 

Your stomach flutters, and you lean your head back against the wall and stare off into space. This was such a dumb idea. You have no clue what made you want to train with him so badly when only hours ago, you wanted nothing to do with the Force. A switch changed in you, and you didn't want to like it, but the danger is exhilarating. 

You landed back on the Finalizer, and you were led out of the shuttle by the stormtroopers. They stood straight and waited for Kylo Ren's command. He looked at you, then to the Stormtroopers. 

"Take her to my training room." He turns back to you. "We start today." 

You raise your eyebrows and open your mouth to protest, but the troopers whisk you away too quickly. 

You were exhausted, he couldn't expect you to learn so quickly. But if you have learned anything about him, you've learned he doesn't really care about your feelings. The troopers bring you to an all-white room with grey mats lining the floors and walls. Six Wooden or plastic poles were in the corner - probably for saber training. One of the troopers took off your restraints, and you rubbed your wrists. 

"There are locker rooms to the left for you to put on a training uniform. We'll be waiting outside of the room," they lectured, "so don't try anything funny." 

The two of them leave and slam the door behind them. You look around, sigh, and move to get changed in the locker room. 

When you came back into one of the uniforms provided, Kylo was in the room in an undershirt and athletic pants, similar to you. He looks at you and tosses you one of the wooden poles.

"We start with combat training. From what I understand, pilots don't get trained in combat."  
"What about the force?"  
"The Force is within you. There is no technique to it. You have to be aware of it, and use it to your advantage," he shrugs.  
"Great. Thanks for the tip," you mutter sarcastically. 

"The first lesson is blocking. You need to sense where the other person is going to strike next." He moves to the center of the room and looks at you. It's silent for a few seconds as you stare at him.  
"Oh, you want me to go over there?" you quip as you walk over to him.  
"I'm not going to teach you if you keep being a pest. Listen to me and keep up." 

He brought you through the lessons slowly. He was careful and made sure you understood what was happening before moving on. From blocking, he moved onto disarming and then fighting. It finally came time to have your first real fight. 

"It feels like we've been at this for hours. Can I have a break first?" you whined.  
"No. If you want to be a sith, you have to be stronger than that." Kylo moved to the other side of the room and spun his saber in his hand, getting prepared.  
"Who said I wanted to be a sith?"  
"You came here to train with me. What else are you going to become?" you rolled your eyes and sighed, gripping onto the saber. 

You watched each other to see who would go first. Kylo decided it would be him. He came at you with a high strike starting from your right, and you blocked it easily. He nodded in approval and kept going, throwing light hits for you to block. After a few minutes of that, you move onto harder swings to block. You dodge, and as you go to swipe a finishing strike, you let your defenses down, and he knocks you back on your ass using the Force. You go to get up quickly, but before you could, he stands over you and points the saber to your face. 

"Dead. Try again." He reaches out his hand, and you grip onto his forearm, helping you up. The contact of his skin made your insides flutter. He leads you back to the middle of the room, and you stand in a ready stance. He begins; this spar much more vigorous, knocking you down once more after you failed to disarm him. 

"Again!" he commands, and this time you're ready. You fight hard and relentlessly, but Kylo knows your every move. He senses each blow and each effort in disarming him. You make the same mistake as last time as you reach your saber upwards, leaving an opening for him to either probe your stomach or use the Force. You notice your error instantly, but he takes no time to push you backward with the Force again. You stumble back, but you don't fall. You're tired of this. You'll never be able to beat him on the first day, and it seems like he won't stop until you do.

You hunch over and place your elbows on your knees, training saber in hand. Tears start to sting your eyes. Kylo stretches out his arms and paces in front of you. 

"Come on!" He screamed, trying to get anger out of you. "I knew you weren't good enough to be my student. You're weak. You're nothing but a sad little girl."  
You wiped the sweat off your forehead, letting a tear or two fall out. You raise your head to look at him. 

"I hope you know I'm going to find the Resistance and wipe them out. It's time to let old things die. I'll kill them all," he says casually. "You'll have nothing left, but that farm that doesn't even care that you left."

You looked up at Kylo with grit teeth, anger bubbling in your chest. Kylo pointed his training saber at you. 

"Use that anger. Attack me. I know you want to." 

With a cry, you run towards Ren, and he raises the saber to strike you. You slide through between his legs and shove him forward with the Force, making him fall. He quickly recuperates and rolls back onto his feet. You swing at him wildly as he counters each blow you land on him. You find an opening as he takes a swing at you to stop his wrist with the Force and disarm him with another swift movement of your hand. You swing your saber and halt at his neck. He nods once in approval. 

"Good." He turns and picks up his wooden saber, spinning it in his hand. The two of you walk around each other, studying each other. His eyes were locked on yours. Studying his face, you felt something rise inside of you. It wasn't anger this time. His skin was glistening with sweat, black locks stuck to his forehead. And of course, you couldn't help yourself when it came to those eyes of his. Kylo obviously sensed your distraction, and he took this as a chance to strike, cutting you across the face. It stung terribly, but you couldn't let it stop you. You tried a move he showed you earlier to get someone off their feet, but as you swept your leg under him, he jumped over you. You growled in anger and stood back up, facing him. He smirked and spun to strike you. You dodge it by scooting backward, but he takes the chance to shove his hand out and pulls the saber out of your hand with his power. He uses this moment to fling you into the wall and pin you to it using his forearm against your chest and puts your own saber to your neck. 

The two of you were panting, his breath hitting your lips made you tingle. Tension was in the air, waves of warmth tingling between your thighs. You scanned his face, trying to figure out what he's thinking. You wanted his body closer to yours, and Kylo sensed it, pulling his body closer to yours. 

"You did so well for your first day," he says, the vibrations of his voice sending chills down your spine.  
"Thank you," you whisper.  
"Speak up." You move your hands to his chest to feel the vibrations of his voice as you keep your eyes trained on his.  
"Thank you," you choke out.  
"I think you deserve the rest of the night off," Kylo says, removing the saber from your neck and dropping the stick of wood down on the ground.  
"Thank you, Master Ren," you purred as his breath hitched for a second. Shock and confusion scrunched his eyebrows together. "I'm your apprentice, so that makes you my master."  
"Is that so?"  
"Yea." you nod innocently.  
"I kinda like the sound of that." He smirks and starts directing his face to your neck.  
"Stop that," you mumble, but you wish you could connect like magnets.  
"Why, are you scared?" he mumbles back as he kisses between your shoulder and neck. You melt in his arms.  
"I'm not scared."  
"You're trembling." He kisses the start of your jawline.  
"I'm not trembling."  
"Yes, you are. I can feel you. Don't you want me?"  
"N-no, I…" you were cut off by Kylo's soft lips kissing yours. "Oh, Kylo," you moaned softly into his mouth. He moved his arm from your chest to lean his arms against the wall above your head. 

You moved your hands from his chest to hold onto his shoulders. The kisses you share hold the same amount of feeling as the first time. He wasted no time sneaking his tongue in your mouth to wrestle with yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck, closing any space left in between you two. He places his knee against the wall, and you take the chance to straddle his thigh and grind on it. He hummed in approval. 

Kylo then placed his hands on your hips and guided you, so you didn't have to waste as much energy as you already were. One hand rested on his abs, which traveled down to his package, cupping the aggressive bulge that was forming. He groaned in response. You reached into his pants and slipped your hand under his boxers, handling his warm and throbbing length, waiting for you inside. You slowly start moving your hand, making his cock harden faster. He hums and removes his mouth from yours, leaving sloppy wet kisses on your collar bone. His hands travel under your shirt to massage your breasts.

You take the lead and expose his cock from his pants and continue to jack him off. Kylo removes his hands from your chest, so you have room to slide down to your knees. You smirk and stay put, knowing what his intentions are. He growls and frowns at you.

"What is it?"  
"I need you to get on your knees for me."  
"No," you tease, flashing him puppy dog eyes.  
"If you want to be my apprentice, you have to serve your master," Kylo commands. You moan and do as he says. 

You kiss the tip of his penis and slowly slide your mouth down his cock, earning a moan of appreciation. You put your hands on his hips and tried your best to maintain eye contact as you swallowed his massive erection. Low moans escaped from his chest as he held your hair back by threading one of his hands through it and gripping it tightly as his hips bucked into your mouth. You whimpered as he thrust, but held steady as he took advantage of your throat. 

"Such a good girl," he muttered, pulling his cock out of your mouth to reward you for holding so long . You gasped for air, but moaned, licking a strip from the base to the tip. You slipped his member back into your mouth, and you hollow your cheeks, sucking as hard as you can. He hissed your name between his teeth as he let you take control, bobbing your head as far as you could make it without gagging. You could feel the heat between your thighs dripping in anticipation. 

He pulled away from your mouth again, saliva covering your chin and his cock. 

"Stand up," Kylo commanded. You stood without missing a beat and removed your shirt. He grabbed onto the remaining clothing covering your tits and helped you pull it off since your other hand was busy pumping his dick. He picked you up by your thighs and ripped open your tights, sliding your panties aside, to reveal your hot, dripping cunt. He teased the entrance with the tip of his cock, which slips and grinds up your slit and giving attention to your lonely clit. You moaned and tossed your head back. 

"Do you want my cock, slut?" he questioned. You smirked lazily, drunk with lust, and looked in his eyes.  
"Yes," you whined. Kylo continued rubbing his cock up and down your slit.  
"Yes, what?" He mumbled as he nibbled your ear.  
"Yes, master, please fuck me with your cock, I need it so badly." You begged.

That's all it took for Kylo Ren to line up his massive erection to your pussy and slowly insert it inside of you. You moaned, Kylo's girth stretching your tight cunt. You panted, already out of breath from his movement. 

"Shh, it's okay. Don't worry," Ren cooed, knowing that although you're filled with pleasure, the stretching was painful. You closed your eyes, dug your nails into his back under his shirt, and laid your head on Kylo's shoulder. He left bruises up and down your neck and shoulder by sucking and kissing as he waited for you to adjust. 

After a few minutes of waiting, he slowly rocked his hips. 

"Oh fuck," you sighed, placing a hand on his cheek and leaning his forehead against his to make eye contact with him.  
"Such a good little whore," he murmurs, as he starts to slowly rock his hips back and forth. You dig your nails deeper into his flesh, and he grunts, speeding up his pace. One of the hands holding up your thighs twitches, and you feel invisible fingers start toying with your clit. You toss your head back to moan, and Kylo Ren takes the advantage to clamp down on your neck with his teeth, sucking and nipping at the skin. 

"Fuck me harder," you whine, putting one of your hands in his hair. He instantly starts pounding into your pussy as the Force swirls around your clit faster.  
"Do you want to cum?" he growls into your ear.  
"Yes, Master, please let me cum!" you cry, scratching his back with your unoccupied hand. 

Kylo is relentless to your hole as he pounds into your cunt with no remorse. You moan his name into the empty air as the pain and pleasure builds up and finally explodes, making you see stars and your ears ring. He fucks out your orgasm, but as he's about to come, he pulls out and starts pumping his cock. 

"Knees," he commands. He lets go of your thighs, and you immediately follow his wishes, sticking your tongue out of your mouth and looking into his dark eyes. He slides his shaft into your mouth, and you suck hard, not caring where it just was. He rolls his hips and tosses his own head back, moaning your name as he releases into your mouth, cock twitching. You hum in response and make sure you suck every drop of cum that leaks out of his member. 

He removes himself from your mouth and puts his softening dick back into his pants. He looks at you, and takes his thumb and wipes spit off of your bottom lip for you. You looked up at him, clothed yourself, clearing your throat, an awkward silence filling the air. You remained on the floor since a gaping hole was ripped in your leggings. Kylo walked to the men's locker room, his footsteps echoing through the room. You looked at the floor in front of you, alone and ashamed of yourself. Your lips trembled as tears brimmed your eyes. You didn't have to fuck him, but you did. Your heart ached for Poe. The guilt was too much to handle as you started to cry. You placed your hand over your mouth to stifle the sobs. Moments later, Kylo reentered, showered, and dressed in his classic black armor. He tossed you a card and stood above you. 

"Your new quarters are on this floor. At the end of the hallway. You are not allowed to leave your room unless I send someone to get you. Meals will be brought to you. I have a meeting to attend in the morning, so I expect to see you here at 1300 hours." He wasn't looking at you, instead of focusing on fixing his gloves. "You did well today. See you tomorrow." 

Finally, looking at you, Ren pauses. You tuck your hair behind your ear and wipe under your nose with the back of your hand, staring back. 

"What?" you snap.

He simply clenches his jaw and almost walks over to you. Almost.

He opts out for turning on his heel and leaving you alone in the empty room with your thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment we've all been waiting for finally happened 🤪 I hope you like it! I haven't written smut in so long lol. Also ~ the next upload might be a double upload. Chapter 6 is pretty weak so I think I'm gonna upload 7 at the same time to keep the ball rolling. See ya next Monday


	6. One Day at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You refuse to believe your fate. If others can change their path, so can you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop charger broke this past weekend, so I don't know if I'll be able to double upload this week or post on Monday. I ordered a new charger and it says it won't be here until May :( the phone version of ao3 is too difficult for my peanut brain but I'm gonna figure it out I promise. Stay safe out there!

It’s been a couple days since Kylo Ren left you alone in the training room. After he left, you remained on the floor, contemplating your decisions until Stormtroopers came in to check on you. Embarrassingly, you gave them a great shot of your underwear as you got up from the floor. Different troopers have been escorting you since that day.

Training with Kylo so far was all physical. The first day seemed to be a day where he can see a baseline of your skills; the rest were strictly scheduled. Warm-up with drills, work on footing placement, work on blocking, 5-minute break (to shut up your complaining), then sparring, and ending with going over what you could’ve done better. He treated you well - minimal yelling, apologizing when he hit you a little too hard. He was a great teacher. (You could mention that the sexual tension between you was thick as hell since… that day.) At the end of the last lesson, he surprised you with something a little different. As he was leading you out of the door of the training room, he paused and looked at you over his shoulder.

“I’m going away. When I’m back, I’ll teach you about the Force,” he stated. “I will be escorting you personally to a secluded area of the ship. Be ready at 0600 hours three days from now.” 

Well, three days later, you were waiting nervously at your door for his knock. When he finally did, you flung open the door, and your jaw dropped. It was the first time you’ve seen him with his helmet on since you first met him. It had evidently been cracked, red welding material holding the pieces together. Seeing him like this made your skin crawl. Without it, he was so much easier to look at... and talk to. You felt this helmet put a barrier between you - he was telling you that he is a master to an apprentice, and nothing more. After a few seconds of silence, he stated your full name. 

“I hope you’re ready for today,” he said. The robotic voice made goosebumps line your skin.  
“Yes, Master Ren.” You replied, bowing your head.  
“Follow me.” He turned on his heel and led you through the maze of the Finalizer. He brought you to an elevator and pressed the button for the top deck. You stood side by side, but you were frozen. Whatever happened in those three days changed him. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him look at you. He stared. Shivers were sent down your spine as soon as that expressionless mask turned towards you. The door opened, and you followed him into an enormous room. There was a single meditation stool facing huge windows that look out to the endless ocean of stars. Kylo gestured to the seat. 

“Sit.” 

You did as you are commanded. Ren stood behind you.  
“What is the Force to you?” Kylo questioned.  
“It’s a power that’s shared among sith and Jedi, and is… is like, the energy between all things?”  
“You’re not completely wrong. It’s a gift, not a power. While it might be an energy, it is also a balance between all creations.” Kylo paced slowly behind you. “You must get in touch with it. The more you feel, the more you can use it to your advantage. It’s not just something you can use as a weapon. It can be a tool. To first understand that, you must understand its purpose in the world,” he lectured. 

You nodded to show you understand. Ren moved from behind you to next to you and looked at the starry scenery in front of you. 

“Close your eyes. Let the Force show you.”

You closed your eyes and took deep, slow breaths. You opened your mind to any energy that could teach you. It took a few minutes for your skin to prickle and your body to relax. Your breath hitched as you started to get visions. 

“I see something,” you whisper, as vibrations were felt through your entire body.  
“What do you see?” Kylo questioned. 

The images presented in your brain flowed from one to another. You didn’t recognize the planet, but it was lush with greenery and forests. 

“A planet. It’s filled with life...” you mumble. The vision moves from the forest to focus on an Oggdo eating another animal. But, it’s feeding its child with the carcass. “But also death…which feeds new life.”  
“What else?”  
“Warmth and cold.” You see bubbling lava from a volcano, then a flash image of rain flooding the jungle. It then flashes to a mother holding her baby, then an AT-AT attacking a village. “Peace and war.”  
“And what do they all have in common?”  
“They balance each other,” you whisper, mind wandering to a cave on this unknown planet.  
“This same balance is inside of you. This is what drives you as it drives everything else.” Kylo Ren states. You get lost in your vision, his voice seems far away.  
“There’s more.” 

Sunrays break through the forest, the light shining on lush foliage, beautiful flowers, and flowing rivers. The light is safe, and you can feel the draw to it. But the cave is calling your name. 

“Light and dark. A cave…”  
“What’s in that cave?” 

The closer you get to the cave, the colder you get. You start shivering. Entering the cave, you begin feeling complete rage, and nothing to balance it. 

“The cave… it’s so cold… so angry. It wants me to go to it.”  
“Listen to it. See what it wants to show you.” 

You enter the cave, and your vision goes dark. You can feel a shroud of energy surround you. The anger built a pressure in your chest, and you feel like you could attack anything on sight. You felt immense strength and power. It made your heart pound. In the darkness, an image starts to show in the front of your mind. It’s a person, covered in a black cloak. The energy that comes from them shakes you to your core. A powerful gust of wind blows right through you, and you open your eyes to see yourself floating in the air. When your mind is no longer clear, you fall back onto the ground and hit your tailbone on the hard seat beneath you. You look up at Kylo Ren, but you can’t tell if he’s impressed or not. 

“You went to the dark.” he pointed out. You shook your head.  
“N-no. I didn’t. It was trying to show me something.”  
“It was showing you your future.”  
“I refuse to believe that I am meant for the dark side.” You protested, standing up, so you no longer felt like a child to him.  
“You belong on the dark side. You cannot change this.”  
“I can still change my fate. I can leave here, I can learn from someone else. You are not my only option.” You snap.  
“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,” Kylo says.  
“Why is that?”  
“You already know. I’d have to kill you.” You roll your eyes, but he’s not playing. You knew he was getting annoyed. 

“You were meant for this, girl. Stop acting like you aren’t. You know that you’re growing stronger under my leadership, and your turn to the dark side is inevitable.” He stated shortly. “This lesson is over. We meet again in one hour. We will build your saber today. Do not be late.” He turns quickly and walks to the elevator. “I assume you can find your way back to your quarters. I will be taking this journey back alone.” 

You bow and growl through gritted teeth, “Yes, Master Ren.”

He stares into your soul as the elevator doors close. You sigh after he disappears, and walk to the window to look out into space. You haven’t forgotten about your family in the Resistance. You wish you could be with them, and your heart misses them. But training with Kylo Ren has been incredibly educational. You’ve learned a lot about yourself, and you’ve become extremely fit. You’re grateful, but it would be better if you had a few friendly faces to talk to. You keep staring off into space and reminiscing when the elevator doors open up again. You spin around and make eye contact with a sanitation worker. 

“Oh, sorry,” she squeaked. “I thought the Supreme Leader was done here.”  
“He is. I’m just brooding. I’ll get out of your hair.” You stand up and walk towards the elevator as her eyes stay fixed on you.  
“You’re his student, aren’t you?”  
“Yes, I am.” You say, pressing the button for your quarter’s floor.  
“Why stay here? On this ship, I mean,” She questioned. Her sweet face looked so concerned. “You escaped once before. You can do it again.”  
“It’s my choice, and none of your business,” you state, pressing the close door button, hoping it’ll go faster.  
“No, wait, please!” she called, putting her broomstick in the doors of the elevator. “I used to be a part of the resistance,” she whispers, showing you a resistance ring. Your heart stops.  
“Why are you here?” you inquire, stepping out of the elevator and looking at the jewelry. The rebel sigil is hidden inside of her golden ring.  
“I was there for a few years, but when I went back home, my city was invaded. Some of us were recruited to be a part of the First Order. I didn’t quite make the cut, and I became a part of sanitation.” she looks up at you with sad eyes.  
“I’m sorry,” you say, out of lack of knowing what you should.  
“I bet you can make your way back to the Resistance if you tried. There’s still time! I can help you, I have a key card that can let you to where the escape pods are, and-”  
“Whoa, whoa. I’m not escaping. I like learning under Kylo Ren.” The confession shocks yourself, but you continue defending yourself. Anger starts shrouding you. “I’m learning more than I ever would in the Resistance. What’s your name?”  
“Lena. Lena Braven,” she says proudly, sticking her hand out for you to shake.  
“Well, Braven,” you say, taking her hand in both of yours. “Mind your own business. Continue cleaning up after the First Order while I continue my training, and never speak to me again.” you squeeze her hand tightly to strike some fear in her. She whimpers, her energy fearful. 

You let go over her hand and slip the ring off of her finger without her noticing. You step back into the elevator and stare at her as the doors close. Her mouth twists into a frown, and she grabs her mop, the elevator closing. You look at the ring you nabbed and slip it onto your own finger. A piece of home. 

It doesn’t set in what happened until you’re halfway to your quarters. 

“What the fuck?” you mutter, looking at Lena’s ring. What came over you? Why did you have to do that to someone trying to help you? You tap the heel of your palm to your forehead. “Idiot.” 

The time flew by as you waited for the troopers to knock on your door. When they did, you couldn’t tell if you were relieved or nervous. You leave your quarters and nod hello to the troopers.

“Let’s go, boys,” you say, clapping your hands and rubbing them together.  
“How are you today?” one of them asks you.  
“Could be worse, LS-3740,” you sigh. “Could be worse.” 

They escort you to a lower floor that is filled with the sounds of machinery and the buzzing of welders. They lead you to a room with Kylo Ren, crates full of materials, and a stormtrooper with silver armor. Kylo instantly looked at you as the stormtroopers were entering. It made your heart leap out of your chest. Out of fear, and out of want for the Kylo that you knew three days ago. 

“Thank you for delivering my apprentice,” his mask hummed. “You may go.” All three troopers clicked their heels together at attention, then left the room swiftly. You were left alone with a thick tension in the air.

“Good evening, Master Ren,” you greeted, bowing out of respect. He bowed his head as little and as quick as he could.  
“Come over here,” he gestured. You promptly followed his directions. 

“Here is where you will build your saber. I make my own repairs here, so I will show you how the tools work, but from then on, you must build it yourself. Pick the materials you think is your best fit.” Kylo instructed. You nodded and looked from him to the glimmering metal in the room. You picked what thought would be lightweight but durable. You grabbed two hilts, hoping to have a detachable end that would make your saber into a staff or dual-wield when you wanted. Placing your materials on the workbench, Kylo released a small exhale of air that resembled a chuckle. 

“You think you’re ready for that kind of saber?” he questioned, being able to tell he is smirking from under that mask.  
“I know I’ll be able to use it when I’m ready. Trust me.” you nervously tucked your hair behind your ears and looked at the mess in front of you.  
“We’ll work on it next time we train,” he noted. You looked at him and nodded in appreciation.  
“Thank you, Master Ren.” He said nothing and handed you a welding mask and some leather gloves.  
“This is for protection. Put these on, and I will show you what you need to do to put this together. I will supervise you until you are done for the day.” You keep following his directions and nod to show you are listening. You don’t want to disobey him in any way, because you are afraid of what would happen. Would he punish you, or would you guys fight until you have angry sex that you didn’t know you wanted?

He brought you through each lesson carefully. He told you the basics and let you ask questions when you needed to. You got some burns on your arms from stray sparks, but you could live with that. You got halfway through your first saber when you decided to take a break. You lifted your mask and wiped away the sweat beading on your forehead with the back of your glove. Kylo walked up next to you and looked down on your saber. 

“Not bad,” he states.  
“Thank you.” you remove your gloves and set them down on the table. You reach up to your mask, but you are interrupted by Kylo grabbing your arm and halting you. You gasp and look up at him, and your stomach drops.  
“What is this?” he questions angrily, squeezing his hand tight around your wrist.  
“I-I stole it,” you blurt. “It’s not mine. I’m sorry, Master Ren.”  
“Liar. This is unacceptable. I thought you were better than this.” He growled, grabbing the ring off of your hand and crushing it in his fist. He dropped it on the ground, which bounced and rolled under a box of metals.  
“No!” you called out, trying to lunge after it, but Kylo tugs you back before you can chase the ring. He quickly moves onto the next subject. 

“Listen to me. You are joining me in a meeting tomorrow with the Knights of Ren. You will join their ranks, and-“  
“Wait, what?” You interrupt.  
“Let me finish,” he snaps, squeezing harder. “You are going to be a part of my personal guard. You’re learning quickly. If you want to be a part of this, you have to learn how I do my work.” tears sting your eyes, fear enveloping you.  
“But I don’t-“  
“Silence!” He commands, his electronic voice echoing through the room. “That is an order. You can continue on your saber. I will be leaving.” He releases your arm, and in a whirlwind of black, he is gone. You look at your wrist and move it slightly, inhaling sharply when a pain shoots through it. 

You grab a med-pack from a drawer in the work table and sit down on a bench in the room. Wrapping your wrist, a tear or two leaks out. Kylo didn’t have to do that to you. What was the point of that? Your fear turns to anger, and you huff, pulling yourself together. You hate that he has the power to treat you like a child. You stand back up and sigh and start your search for the broken ring. You end up finding the crushed metal under a crate of crystals. You reach under and pull it out, along with a bunch of dust bunnies. 

You move to the work table and start fixing it to its normal state. You smile at your handiwork and put it back in your pocket, beginning to work on your saber again. 

In the middle of finishing the first saber, the doors to the room slide open. You look up and see Lena Braven standing in the doorway. 

“Oh. It’s you,” Lena whispers, starting to leave.  
“No, wait,” you insisted, following her. She turns and looks at the ground. “Here. I’m sorry. I was out of line.” you hold out the refurbished ring for her to take. Her face lights up.  
“Oh, thank you.” she snatches it out of your hand and slips it back onto her finger. “I’ll leave you to your duties.” She pushes the cart out of the room and stops before she walks down the hallway. 

“You think you’re going to be a Jedi? That one good deed keeps you on the path to the light? ” she looks at you, face completely serious. “What you did to me is proof enough that you’re lost in the dark.” she leaves, letting you stew in your bad decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh I'm not a fan of this chapter, but I hope it was good enough for you guys. The next one will be wild to make up for it I promise!


	7. The Person You Are Becoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo wants you to be in the ranks of the Knights of Ren. Of course, you say yes. Your first quest is to find a Rebellion team. You don't know what awaits you when you find them.

You stayed awake until early morning, working on your lightsaber. What Lena said about you angered you to your core, giving you the most motivation you have ever felt in your life. You haven't slept a wink yet, and it was working well for you. 

You stepped back and looked at your finished saber. It was beautiful; it fits you perfectly. The hilt and handgrip were black, but the saber itself was a sleek and elegant silver. You reached into your pocket and took out the Kyber crystals available to you. Placing them in, you took a deep breath and flipped the switch with your thumb. The sword lit up a crimson red, the power of the saber vibrating your whole arm. You spun it in your hand and swung it a little to see what it felt like.

It felt great. 

You smiled to yourself and took the other saber in your hand, connecting the bottoms together. You flipped it on, and your smile grew wider. You spun it in your hands, pretending to deflect lasers. You felt immensely proud of yourself. But, these had a lot more power than the wooden sticks in the training room. It was something you definitely had to get used to. After putting the sabers into your duffle bag, you check the time - 0400. You had about three hours until breakfast. You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out of the room. The Stormtroopers immediately snap to attention and escort you back to your quarters. 

Waiting in the elevator, you end up dozing off. One of the stormtroopers nudges you in the ribs to wake you up. You grimace and rub the spot, shooting the trooper a death glare. 

"I can walk myself to my quarters from here, thank you very much." You storm out of the elevator, the door to your sweet release of consciousness awaiting you. The door slides open to your approach, and you belly flop onto your bed, falling asleep almost immediately. 

You awaken from your deep sleep with a loud banging at your door. You stumble out of bed, clothes on from the night before, and slam the button to slide open the door. 

"What, what?!" You groan, shielding your eyes from the light. 

"Oh, maker, when did you shower last?" Hux questions with disgust twisting his face. "You're going to be late to this meeting with the Supreme Leader. Here is your new armor for the Knights of Ren. I hope you can at least look pleasant if you can't smell like it." He storms away with a spin of his heel. A stormtrooper now stands in front of you, a large chest in his grip. 

"Do you need to come in here?" You grumble, Hux's words having no effect. His jealousy towards you does not affect you. The Stormtrooper nods. You sigh and stand aside, gesturing into your quarters. He's in and out in a flash, leaving you alone with this box of mystery. Guess you have to skip breakfast today. 

You walk towards it, leaving a trail of your clothes as you prepare to shower. You swipe it open with your identification card, and it hisses as the locks unlatch. Flipping it open, a black mask, with the faint resemblance of Kylo Ren's, stares at you. You close your eyes and shake your head. 

Not right now. 

You let the shower wake you up, the cold sting of the water telling you it's time to get shit done. Afterward, you look at yourself in the mirror. Your face has slimmed much more since the beginning of your journey. You touched under your eyes, noticing the bags and dark circles, tracing your hollowing cheekbones and pronounced jawline with your fingertips. You guess this is what no sleep and exercise get you. 

You dry off and put your hair in a braid down the middle of your head, tying it off into the bun at the end. You walk into the main room and stare at the open crate in front of you. It's now or never. 

You slip on the many layers of armor and stare at yourself once again. The torso had three layers: a long-sleeved black shirt, a protective leather cuirass, then a thick black vest on top of it all. Your bottoms were a pair of thick leggings, and steel-toed boots with a slightly raised heel - elegant, yet protective. Leather gloves protected your hands while thick plates of metal protected your arms, shoulders, and any other vulnerable spots. The best part of it all was that badass cape. Crimson red on the inside, midnight black on the outside. While you stared at yourself, helmet in hand, you tilted your head. 

"Something's missing." You look around, and you spot your old resistance holster peeking out from underneath your bed. You cinch it around your waist, attaching your blaster and your lightsaber to it. You look back in the mirror and nod, satisfied. You look at the helmet in your hand and take a deep breath. You close your eyes and slowly slide the mask on.

You open your eyes again and take a step back. The change was incredible. Plus, the technology inside your helmet enhanced your senses. You kinda like this. Opening the door again, the two stormtroopers waiting for you outside click their heels together. The one you know as LS double-takes. 

"Lead the way," you state, your speech is slightly staticky due to the comlink built in your helmet.  
"Yes, Ma'am." The other one answers, nodding once. They start to lead you to the elevator. As you passed people, they made sure to look away from you, instead of stare at you. You really like this. 

You walk into the meeting room by yourself. All eyes turn to you, and yours immediately lock with Kylo Ren. 

"Master Ren." You greet, bowing slightly. Kylo nods his head back and introduces you to some of the most influential people in the First Order. They don't really matter to you, so you don't memorize their names.  
"This is my apprentice," he finishes. He gestures to you to come forward and stand with him. His mask hasn't stopped staring into yours, tension immediately locking each other in place. You follow his silent orders, walking with a new sense of confidence within you. You turn towards the faces of the most essential generals in Kylo's ranks. He removes his gaze from you and looks at the large table in front of him. 

"Now that everyone is here, we can begin." He leaves your side and walks to a box opened by a stormtrooper. He grabs out ahead of an alien, and you are forced to suppress your gasp. He tosses the head onto the table with a disgusting squish. 

"There is a spy among our ranks. They have sent sensitive information to the Resistance. Whoever this traitor is, they won't stop us. From what I've seen on Exegol, the First Order is on its way to being a true empire." One crotchety General stares at Hux, while Hux's eyes follow Kylo around the table. Kylo ends up at the other end of the room, looking out the window, staring at the ship in front of him. He pauses for a moment, and he turns around to face the angry man.  
"I sense some… unease, about my appearance, General Hux." All eyes train on him  
"About the mask? No, sir. Well done." He lies.  
"I like it." You mention, both pairs of eyes looking at you then back at each other. 

The meeting kicks off after another small bout of silence. The group keeps mentioning the planet Exegol. You thought it was a myth; apparently, its a base for the once-thought-dead Palpatine and a fleet of ten thousand star destroyers. They were for the First Order to control. A general mentioned taking over planets to recruit young as part of their ranks, supporting this new addition. One general had the guts to test Kylo Ren. 

"What does he want in return?" He asks snidely, a skeptic of this sudden new gift. Kylo gets sick of his opinions and tosses out his hand, choking the man while simultaneously sticking him to the ceiling. Your anxiety spikes inside of you. He struggles, grunting, and clawing at his throat. Your eyes wouldn't move from his face, able to feel the fear coming from inside of him. It sparked fear inside of you, too. Kylo Ren puts his hands on the table and stares at everyone as their attention is immediately drawn back to him. 

"Prepare any worlds that defy us. The Knights and I are going to look for the scavenger on the planet Pasaana. Our goal is to kill her and end the Jedi for good before the Resistance can use her to find the second Sith Wayfinder. We leave in one hour." 

Kylo Ren starts to leave the room and gestures for you to follow. You turn and follow close behind. You take one last glance at the man on the ceiling, then look back at Kylo when he starts talking to you. Nerves were still tangled in your heart. 

"Let's practice your combat before we leave," He states, walking with a sense of purpose. "We're gonna see how well you use that saber. Your training might be put to use today." 

This made your nerves even worse, especially since you've only ever sparred with a single stick before. Instead of bringing you to the training room, Kylo brought you to the flight deck, which was empty except for a few ships. 

"No one will be here for 30 minutes. We will use this time to brush up on your skills." He takes out his saber and turns it on. You gulp, taking out one of yours.

You stand about 6 feet apart, staring at each other, waiting for someone to strike first. You make the bold decision to spin and strike from above Kylo's head. He blocks it before you can get too close. You fight with a purpose, practically dancing with each other. The built-up nerves started to melt away. Your armor didn't hold you back, and your enhanced mask made it easy to listen to his footsteps and the whoosh of his saber. One swipe is aimed for your chest, but your sabers clash together. You stare at each other for a moment, but then you shove him back with all the strength you have. He stumbles backward, and you swiftly reach to your side and turn on your second saber. 

You smirk and walk towards him, sabers pointing down at the ground. He stands up and brushes off his clothes.

"You've learned well," he states, closing the space between you, saber raised.  
"I had a great teacher," you reply before defending yourself against Kylo's mighty blows. He's a lot more ferocious this time, but this doesn't stop you. With both blades, you could take anything he threw at you. Still, he put up a good fight for about five more minutes before you get him down on the ground, one saber at his throat, and your foot on his chest. You turn off your sabers and attach them back to your belt. You reach out your hand. He slaps his hand onto your forearm, and you hoist him to his feet. 

"Well done. I hope you'll do as well when someone is actually trying to kill you," Ren comments. You've gotten to know that this is how your Supreme Leader jokes.  
"I think I like you better on the ground," you reply. His helmet looks at you, expressionless, but you like to picture him smiling; if not with his mouth, then with his eyes.

Soon, the bay is crowded with stormtroopers, pilots, and the Knights of Ren. The knights walk up to Kylo and stare at him silently. 

"This is your new addition. Treat her with respect." Kylo commands. The knights nod once, and board a shuttle. He then turns to you. "I will be flying myself. I better see you back on this ship. I'll be disappointed if my only student is too weak to finish their first mission." 

You nodded, and he bowed as a goodbye. He walks to his tie fighter in a different section of the landing bay. You watch his every move. 

"I'm nervous, master," you think to yourself, hoping he hears you. His helmet turns to your direction.  
"Use that to your advantage. You're stronger than you know. The Knights will protect you." A moment of silence. "May the Force ever serve you." 

You take a deep breath and step into the transport. You sit in silence with the knights during the quick ride to Pasaana. They stared at the walls in front of them, not saying a word. They didn't even bother to introduce themselves. Eventually, you arrived on Pasanna and were given orders. 

Stand on the high cliffs, and watch for a group of Resistance fighters that contained three humans, a Wookiee, and two droids. 

It feels like hours have gone by since landing on the planet. You ended up hearing from ground forces that they were looking for an old Jedi Hunter's, Ochi, ship. The three people they were looking for: Poe Dameron, Finn, and Rey. Your anxieties were high, dreading to see the people you had grown so close to for the first time in a month. 

At the moment, the knights were in a circle, watching the horizon in each direction for any sign of two speeders heading west. You rarely blinked, practically panting in your mask. Your hands were in fists by your side as your eyes scanned the west side of the cliff. You had to know if Poe was really here. You closed your eyes, slowed your breathing, and relaxed your body. The world around you went silent, and all you could hear was the sound of a motor running and felt wind running through your hair. 

"Poe," you whisper, opening your eyes and seeing yourself on his speeder, a manifestation. Poe freezes and looks behind him, whispering your name - but he looks through you. Not at you. You look up to the left and see yourself in the circle off in the distance. With another blink, you are back inside of your own body, the buzzing of insects and the faint rumbling of the speeders still in your ears.

"There." You state to the Knights, pointing to the dots off into the distance. The dust was swirling around them, the hum of their engines growing louder the closer they got.  
"We wait until they are by Ochii's ship to attack. Take any one of them except for the scavenger. Supreme Leader's Order," one of the Knights commanded. 

You turned and looked at your comrades. They were peering over the cliffs, staring at the direction you pointed, adrenaline starting to rise within them. Your heart dropped thinking about the possibility of someone hurting Poe. 

The leader motions for everyone to follow. Leaving swiftly, you stake out Ochi's ship on a cliff above. 

Eventually, the Rebel group arrived, through with their business. You waited patiently with the Knights to choose which one they were going to kidnap. They mentioned Poe since he was the pilot.  
"No." You interrupt. One of them looks back at you.  
"Excuse me?" he threatens, turning his body towards you. You gulp.  
"It's just, Finn and Rey both know how to fly. Choose Chewie. He's part of the original resistance leadership team that fought Vader. He will be a valuable prisoner, they will be sure to succumb to the First Order to get him back." you defend. They looked at each other, then looked back at you.  
"Good idea." The Knight looked back to the canyon. "We have to wait for the Supreme Leader to distract the scavenger. Then we can strike." 

So you did just that. The minutes crawled by. Your ears perked up when you heard the hum of an engine, and you felt Kylo before he even came over the horizon. So did Rey. You witnessed Kylo start speeding towards her, ready to run her down. As you watched the scene unfold, one of the Knights put a hand on your shoulder. You flinched and looked back at him, squeezing your eyes shut to rehydrate them - you kinda forgot to blink. 

"It's time," the Knight says. You nod and follow the Knights to Ochii's ship. 

As you neared, you decided you weren't needed to help with that. You let the Knights kidnap Chewie alone while you took the chance to sneak off to the actual ship. You had to find Poe. You climbed a hill and watched for a few seconds, heart pounding in your ears. Your eyes flicked around the dry landscape, looking for any sign of him. You could feel Poe's energy calling to you. Eventually, Finn ran out to find Chewbacca and Rey. It wasn't long until Poe emerged from this ship.

Your stomach leaped. You slid down the hill, trying not to make a sound. You snuck up behind him and took a leap of faith.

"Poe," you say, walking up to him. He jumps out of his skin and turns, shooting a blaster. You avoid it but push it to the side with the force.  
"Who the fuck are you?" He questions, aiming his blaster at your chest. His eyes scan your body, and his eyes land on your belt. He looks back up at your mask. 

You remove your hood and unlatch the helmet. You reveal yourself to Poe, and his eyes widen. He stumbles back a few steps in shock.  
"Holy shit," he gasps, followed by your name. "I felt that you were here. I knew it was you!" He tackles you in a hug, and you wrap your arms around him, inhaling his scent, bringing you immense comfort. You haven't felt genuine affection in what seemed like an eternity. He pulled away, and his smile melted your heart, but it only lasted for a few seconds while he took in your appearance. He put at least two feet of distance between you. 

"What the hell happened to you?" He questioned.  
"I don't have much time to explain. That day… on Crait. I went back to face Master Ren, but something inside of me told me that I should learn from him. And… that's what I did." You look back up at him.  
"Master…. Ren?" he has no idea how to process the information. "This isn't you."  
"It's still me," you say, taking a step toward him. He stays in place, silent for a few seconds.  
"I don't know what to do, or... or say."  
"Say that you missed me? You're glad I'm okay?" you scoff.  
"I did! Don't worry, I did miss you, and I am glad. It's just… You're part of the First Order. You're just betraying everything you stood for. You're going to be killing people you lived with, fought with, and-"  
"I'm doing this for the Resistance. I'm trying to get stronger so I can help in different ways. Please, Poe, you have to believe me."  
"I'll believe you when you leave the First Order," he says, backing away from you. "I have to prepare the ship. Get out of here." he turns and takes a step towards the opening of the ship. You put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"What?" you ask, offended at his tone, trying to turn his body back towards you.  
"Get out. You're going to draw the Order to our ship." He jerks his shoulder away from your hand. He walks onto the boarding ramp.  
"They already know you're here, Poe. Please, just a little longer," you beg, following him and reaching for his hand, desperate for his touch.  
"Stop it." his voice cracks, entering the ship. Finn is off in the distance screaming for Rey.  
"Poe!" you cry, tears stinging your cheeks. "Listen to me!"  
"No," he snaps, your name slapping you across the face. "I thought you were dead. But it just turns out you became a traitor." you take your saber off your belt and turn it on, pointing it to the ground. You weren't sure what you were going to do with it, just that you wanted it for support. 

"I have thought about nothing but you for the past month. I have been waiting to see you again, hear your voice, feel your touch. I've been doing this for you, and this is the thanks that I get?"  
"This was never about me! You were doing this for yourself!" He shouted, turning around to face you. Angry tears were spilling out of your eyes. "You weren't becoming stronger for the sake of the Resistance, you just wanted power. You practically sucked my dick to get the Red Leader position." Each word was a dagger in your heart. You were only focusing on your own anger, ignoring the fact that he was only doing this to distance himself from you. He would never let himself love someone in the First Order.

"Fuck you," you spat through gritted teeth.  
"I loved you," he states, like it's nothing big.  
"Loved?" you grip onto your saber tighter.  
"I loved you," he repeats. "But I can't love this person that you've become." 

You are shattered. You stare each other down, silence choking you. This man you have been waiting for, training for, spent days thinking about, doesn't want any part of you. You give up, and shut off your weapon, attaching it to your waist. An explosion catches Poe's attention, followed by Rey and Finn's screams. You took this moment of distraction to punch him in the jaw. He stumbles backward, shielding his face from further hits. You turn and run out of the ship. You hide behind a rock formation, put your face in your hands, and cry. 

Are you really the monster everyone says you are? 

Moments after running, Ochi's ship takes off along with transports for the New Order. After that, and a minute of crying, you slide on your helmet and gather yourself. You round the corner and see Kylo walk towards the wreckage of his ship, helmet in hand. He looks at you. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, not knowing if he is serious or not. You nod once, and your vision blurs. He's never asked you that before, and this act of kindness is enough to send you over the edge again.  
"Yes, Master. Are you?" You can feel his aura - of course he's okay.  
"Yes. My goal for today was accomplished." He stares at the wreckage of his ship. "Why aren't you with the Knights?" You had to think of an excuse, quick.  
"I thought that you might want to see me, Master."  
"Not until we were back on the Finalizer," he states, raising his eyes to your helmet. Somehow, no matter the circumstance, you seem to lock eyes. Thinking about it, that was one of your favorite things about your connection. He always looked into your eyes. 

Your heart skips a beat when you dwell on it for too long. 

"I'm sorry. I should have known." You look at the ground, wanting to get rid of the energy that was surrounding the two of you. You couldn't help that you were drawn to him.  
"It's okay. It's your first time working under me in the field." He turns his body toward you and takes a step closer. You lift your head, and he's practically staring into your soul. 

His forehead was glistening with sweat, a few scrapes from the tie fighter crash. The setting sun was making his fair skin glow, his all-telling eyes twinkle. 

You lift off your helmet and reveal your puffy eyes and red nose. Kylo's expression doesn't change. 

"What happened?" He says, barely above a whisper.  
"Nothing, master. I was afraid of disappointing you," you lie. He squints his eyes for a second. He's getting suspicious that you keep calling him 'master.' Play it cool, play it cool...  
"You're lying to me." Well, shit. Before you could defend yourself, the roar of the transport covers up the sound of your voice. 

It lands a few yards away, and you replace your helmet, standing up straighter. You don't want your perception to be ruined by your vulnerable appearance. You followed Kylo close as you loaded onto the transport. He goes to the cockpit to talk to the pilots as you sit down on the last seat towards the entrance. You stared at the wall in front of you, head empty. You can feel eyes on you, but you don't care. Let them stare. 

A few moments later, a body places themself next to you. They let themselves spread out their legs, their knees resting on yours. Your head snaps over, and your breath catches in your throat. Kylo planted himself as close as possible. You cleared your throat and looked ahead again, stomach flipping within itself.

Fuck, man. Your heart was just broken, so you're just latching onto the first person who shows you he cares. That's it. 

"We have to talk as soon as we get back to our ship," Kylo's voice rumbles beside you.  
"I would like it if you didn't read my mind." you thought to yourself, knowing that he was eavesdropping. "Yes, Master," you replied out loud. 

You looked at Kylo out of the corner of your eye to catch him studying you, trying to find a deeper meaning to your thoughts. You built yourself a mental wall to stop that from happening. 

The ship parks in the landing bay, and you disembark in an orderly fashion, Kylo Ren leaving first. You follow him out of the ship, and your breath catches when you see the Millennium Falcon. The Knights of Ren pass by, escorting Chewie to a prison cell on Kylo's demand. The head Knight walks up to Kylo and stands at attention. 

"Supreme Leader." He greets, bowing his head.  
"Vicrul." So that's his name. "Do you have the dagger?" Kylo inquires. Vicrul nods and shows him Chewie's belongings, which includes an oddly shaped knife.  
"It was in the Wookiee's possession."  
"Great. Thank you. Put them in my personal quarters. Make sure it is locked, and no one follows you there."  
"Yes, Supreme Leader." Vicrul bows and walks away. 

Kylo Ren turns to you next. 

"We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH this is a big one. I'm starting to really fall in love with writing this tbh, but I don't know how long it's gonna be 😬 I hope you guys still like it 😅


	8. On a Leash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After confronting Poe, you are left heartbroken. Kylo Ren doesn't want to show you he cares but doesn't exactly know how to show you, so he does in one of the only ways he knows how.

"Follow me," Kylo demands. 

Your stomach ties into knots.

He trudges through the hallways with you in tow. He leads you to an unfamiliar part of the ship, and it strikes you where he must be taking you. You've never seen his quarters before; the possibilities of what it looked like were endless. You hoped to the maker that his room was a pigsty. Give him just ONE fault. He can't be proper all the time. 

As he neared double sliding doors, they opened instantly. The room was, of course, spotless. Typical. The main entrance was completely empty and had two doors on either side. He didn't split off to either of the rooms - just stood in the middle, stewing. 

The door hissed shut behind you. 

"Tell me why you couldn't complete your duties as a Knight?" He questioned, turning around and staring down at you. You slipped off your helmet.   
"I choked. That's all. I saw a familiar face and got frightened."   
"If you want to be a part of my ranks, you can't be afraid to hurt anyone who gets in your way."   
"Yes, master," you whisper, looking down at the ground.   
"Now that you are done lying to me, what is this… heartbreak you mentioned on the transport?"   
"Nothing. It… it was a metaphor." you kicked yourself. What was that bullshit?  
"You will tell me the truth," Kylo Ren demanded, having a hand past your face. You closed your eyes, and you were immediately washed with a sense of guilt. You needed to spill your guts out, or you would be tortured. Opening your eyes, you looked up at Ren's face. The words fell out of your mouth like vomit. 

"Instead of helping the Knights of Ren, I saw Poe Dameron in hopes that he would be proud of me."   
"What else?"   
"He was angry that I was training with you. He told me I was becoming someone else. He told me he didn't love me anymore, but I can't help but love him." you finished. 

Kylo removed the trance he put on you and turned around again, balling his hands into fists. You shake your head, mind fuzzy. It was like you just watched yourself from outside of your body. Looking up, you stared at Kylo Ren's back. He was becoming angry, and you were scared. 

"You cannot fraternize with the enemy. This is unacceptable."   
"I'm so sorry, Kylo, I know it was-"  
"Excuse me?" He said, looking back at you over his shoulder.   
"M-master Ren," you corrected.   
"I am your Supreme Leader," he growled, standing chest to chest with you. You tried taking a step back, but he freezes you in place.  
"You may be my supreme leader, but I am my own person. You do not have control over me."  
"You compromised the mission. How do I know you aren't the spy?"  
"Please. You've had me on a leash the whole time I've been here, idiot." Kylo gritted his teeth. "If I wanted to, I would've left the first order today, and it's becoming more appealing the more I think about it."  
"If I ever see you with someone from the Rebellion, and you are not killing them, I will-"   
"Kill me?" You laughed, testing him. You know he wouldn't hurt you. "Do it. I dare you." 

Out of nowhere, he crashed his lips against yours. He releases you from his invisible grip. An electric shock was sent through your body, and you grabbed onto his belt and pulled him up against you. He flicked his tongue against your lip, and you opened your mouth to let him gain entrance. Kylo places his hand on your waist, snaking it down to palm your ass. He moved quickly, starving for your body. 

You moan and start trying to remove the protective gear he has on. Releases your throat and starts to help you with his newly freed hand. He uses his occupied one to keep you pressed as close as you can get to him. 

Successfully removing everything protecting his torso, and he puts a gloved digit to your mouth. You smirk and bite the tip of his finger, helping him reveal his hand. He grabs your jaw and squeezes your mouth open, once again sliding his tongue into it and exploring it with purpose. You want him to do anything he wanted to you. 

The next time Kylo separates his mouth from yours, his lips are left pink and glistening. His hungry eyes kept trained on yours as he removed his hand from your ass and removed the second glove himself. You remove your cape, then start taking off your armor. Kylo helps you strip down to your bra and leggings hurriedly. When finished, you wrap your arms around your neck. 

"Jump." He demands. 

You comply, and he catches you from under your thighs and immediately latches onto your neck. You moan and run your hands into his hair, tugging hard. He walks into his bedroom and tosses you onto his bed. Invisible fingers unlatch your bra as he hovers over you and rips it off himself. Once bare, his lips connect with your breast, and he sucks on your nipple, his tongue dancing around the puckered skin. You hum in approval as you move the hair out of his face. You moan as soon as your eyes connect, butterflies dancing around your stomach. He holds eye contact with you as he nips and sucks on your breast.

"Just fuck me already," you groan, staring at the tent forming in his pants. He hums in response and stands back up. He stares into your soul as he starts removing his pants, and you do the same. 

Kylo takes a moment to scan your body. Your cheeks flushed, and you suddenly felt vulnerable. You squeeze your knees together and cover your chest with your forearms to gain some sense of modesty back. Kylo's eyes softened, but that didn't stop him from taking hold of your knees and spread your legs apart. He climbed onto the bed again and placed his member at your entrance. 

"Are you ready for my cock?" he murmured in your ear, nipping at your neck.   
"Yes," you whimpered, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Hate fuck me, you son of a bitch." 

He slid inside of you without a single second wasted. You moaned out his name as he started pounding into your hole fast and hard. You pulled him away from your neck by his hair and leaned your foreheads together, looking into his eyes as his cock split you in half. 

The connection you felt was unlike any connection you felt before. Your eyes remained locked as the sweat pooled against your foreheads, the effort of Ren's thrusts banging the headboard against the wall. 

Your lips clashed together, and at that moment, you were one. Something clicked inside the two of you, and sparks could light up the room. Your heart was filled with an energy you've never felt before. You know Kylo sensed it when he snaked his arms around your body in a close embrace. You placed your hands on Kylo's face, and he rolled over onto his back, giving you control. You immediately put your hands on his chest and start sliding up and down his cock. His large hands slid to your ass, guiding you all the way down. 

You break your mouths apart and you stare into each other's eyes. 

"Oh, fuck," you moaned, continuing to ride him despite your burning thighs. It was incredibly worth it. 

"Your pussy belongs to me," Kylo growled. You smirked lazily.   
"Who decided that?" You tested, panting, a shit-eating grin on your face. 

"I think you know who." 

He wraps his arms around you and pulls you to his chest, retaking control, his dick sliding in and out of you effortlessly. 

"Yes, Kylo!" you moaned into his collar bone, tearing at the skin of his biceps, holding onto dear life. 

He removes one hand from around you to open your jaw and slide to fingers in your mouth. You whined and stuck out your tongue, making sure he had easy access. You closed your lips around his fingers and sucked as if you were sucking his cock. He moaned your name and stared as you took his long, rough fingers down your throat. 

He slid his fingers out of your mouth a few moments after, a trail of saliva following them. 

"Such a good girl," he cooed, his fingers beginning to circle around your aching clit.   
"Yes, Master Ren, fuck me!" You cried, making him growl and bite your neck. "I'm- I'm gonna-" 

"No. I decide when you get to cum." 

"Please let me cum," you whimpered, clinging onto the very edge. 

"Why should I let you? Hm?" He whispers in your ear, stopping his forceful strokes. He transitioned into slower, longer ones, his cock barely sliding out of you, but thrusting back in right before it can. His fingers cease to rub your clit but leave pressure. 

"I'll be a good girl," you whined. "I promise. I'll be a good girl. Just - please, Master Ren, please..." 

"I am the only one that gets to fuck this cunt," he murmurs, sliding out of your pussy. His throbbing member lands on his stomach, and you try grinding on it, his other hand trying to keep you still.   
"Yes, Master Ren. I belong to you," you whimper some more, nodding your head. 

"You belong to me," he groans, lifting your hips and sliding back into your core. You moan his name, his length drilling you once again. 

"I belong to you," you cry out, quaking from the sheer power of holding back your orgasm. 

"Come for me, slut." He commands, and you instantly release. 

"Kylo!!" You cry out, ears ringing. Stars burst in your eyes, and you shudder, rubbing your clit to ride out your orgasm.

He moans your name and cums, slowing his thrusts until he slips out of you. 

You slam your lips together and lock in a few more seconds of passionate kissing. You humming into one another's mouths, coming down from the intense orgasms you both shared. 

You laid down on his chest and let your eyes close. His chest was heaving, heartbeat rapid. You tried to hear what he was thinking, but there was only silence. You decided not to pry and to enjoy this moment of intimacy.

"I will allow you to stay here." Kylo comments. The thought didn't even pass through your mind. Did he want you to stay?   
"Okay," you whispered, a smile spreading across your face. 

He wraps his arms around you in a protective embrace and rolls over onto his side. Your legs interlock with each other, and you drift off into sleep, Kylo's fingers running through your hair. 

You wake up the next morning in an empty bed. But, you could still feel Ren's energy inside of the room. You remained in the bed to let the rest of your sleepiness fade out. You tried remembering your dream, but instead, your mind wandered to last night. The throbbing ache in your pussy was reminding you, too. Your heart pounded thinking about the tender moment you shared - where everything just lined up. Especially afterward: his arms around you, head against his chest. You thought about how warm he felt and how his heartbeat sounded in your ear. Tightening your eyes shut to squeeze the loving thoughts out of your head, your eyes fluttered open to the wall in front of you.

You sat up and held the sheet to your chest as you looked around and listened for any sign of him. His deep electronic voice sounded like it was coming from the entrance room. 

You got out of bed and quickly threw on your tank top, underwear, and leggings. You snuck to the doorway and pressed your back up against the edge to eavesdrop to the conversation. 

"Yes, Senator Palpatine. I know what I have to tell her." You clenched your jaw and reached for your utility belt, placing your hand on the blaster. You felt extremely negative energy from this conversation, and you know it had to be Palpatine. You could tell that Kylo's head was fogged. You step into the doorway and leave your hand on your hip. 

"Tell me what?" you breathed, seeing that he was staring at the ground as he talked, his back to the door. He lifted his gaze and stared through you.   
"Palpatine and I agree. You need to remove what's keeping you from the dark side. You are not showing your full potential as a New Order Sith, and as a Knight of Ren."  
"I'm already in the Knights of Ren. Why can't you leave it at that? You want to let old things die. Let me become a new being, someone between the dark and the light."   
"You're too close to the light. You need to let go." You shook your head, and he turned his body towards you. "I need to know you will not leave my side." 

Your breath halted. The air was still. You could only hear the faint humming of the fluorescent lights around you.   
"As an apprentice, as a Knight…" he struggled with his words, not knowing how to share his feelings. You could feel his mind was racing: A friend? A lover?  
"I won't do it." you felt yourself saying, and you immediately regretted it. But you can't let your ship sink. "I won't leave you for the light like I wouldn't leave the light for you. This is who I am, and this is how I will remain under your leadership. I cannot be who you want me to be, but I have to ask you to trust me." 

"I know your future. You become stronger than Rey, stronger than me. You can have all the power you want if you rule by my side."  
"That's not what I want."   
"I can see it inside of you. It's what you've always wanted, from the first time your father hit you for using the Force. You've wanted to use your anger to take over any-"  
"I can't let myself do that. I don't want to be like that. My father was an arrogant man, who knew nothing but wine and the rice we farmed. I will not turn into a spiteful human like him."   
"So you will turn into your mother? A weakling. Letting people walk all over her."   
"Don't you DARE bring her up. You know nothing about her."   
"I know your memories of her. How you were angry that she didn't defend herself. You were always angry, and you still are."   
"I don't need to hear this." 

You spun on your heel and went to the bedroom to gather the rest of your things. You wrapped the loose armor up in your cape and slung it over your back. Kylo stood in the doorway. 

"Where are you going?" He questioned.   
"Back to my quarters. Don't disturb me unless I'm needed." 

You pushed past him and stormed out of the room. You hated that he knew so much about you when the only things you ever talked about had to do with your training. 

Once at your quarters, you tossed your armor into its case and slammed it shut. You dropped onto your bed and stared at the ceiling, your emotions unknown to you. Anger, hurt, sadness. You didn't want to be so vulnerable anymore. 

You knew what you Kylo Ren wanted you to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I'm so sorry for not uploading yesterday. Online finals are kicking my ass and I really struggled. Do you have any ideas for where you want the story to go? I feel like I'm missing something and would love some feedback. I def think I should add some more development. Please don't be shy!


	9. Do You Swear It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo have been avoiding each other for the last few days. He finally sends you a message through Stormtrooper, telling you to work with the Knights of Ren. They aren't very fond of you. But, while searching for the three notorious rebels, you make a discovery and feel the need to throw Kylo off their scent.

It's been a few days since you've seen Master Ren. Typical. Sometimes when you're wandering through the hallways, you'll feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, alerting you he's near. You usually quickly avert your path to avoid running into him. Besides, you only leave your quarters to meditate and train. The probability of seeing him was low. He hasn't needed you for any missions recently, and you're okay with that. After your last conversation, you have no idea how he'll act towards you. You just know it probably won't be pleasant. 

While stewing in your room for something to do, there's a hard knock on your door. You get up from your bed and slap the switch to open it. A stormtrooper stood waiting; your eyes flicked down to their number to identify them - LS-3740. He snapped to attention. 

"I have a message from the Supreme Leader," he said uncomfortably. You could tell he felt strange reporting to you as a superior rather than a subordinate. "You should be meeting with the Knights of Ren daily, but you haven't been meeting with them at all. He requests that you report to them now."  
"You know, I still don't know their fucking names? Ren doesn't tell me anything," you sigh, rubbing your temple. "Thank you, LS," he bows at the waist and turns to leave. You hesitate to close the door. 

"Hey… can I give you a name?" 

LS stops in his tracks and turns to you. 

"Excuse me?"  
"Y'know...So I don't have to keep calling you LS all the time." you shrug. He doesn't do anything, just stares at you. Not quite the reaction you were expecting, but you'll roll with it. "I'm taking that as a yes. See you later, Lewis." 

He takes a step back, astonished that someone even recognized him as a human, and not just a soldier. 

"Y-yea. See you later." 

You flash a smile and press the door closed. Hopefully, you just made a new friend, and life wouldn't be so dull. 

You don your armor and slip on your helmet as your last touch, and take a deep breath before emerging from your room. 

You made your way to the deepest part of the ship. You walked through the dimly lit hallways, anxiety peaked. You could feel the Force grow each time you took a step. You glanced into each room you passed to see if the other Knights were there. You followed the Force that called to you until you found them in a room surrounded by screens, trackers, and maps. You immediately knew they were Force-Sensitive, and that's why it was calling to you. 

One of them looked up as soon as they sensed someone looking at them. You recognized the Knights' mask as Vicrul. 

"Hey. The new blood's here," he mentioned to the group. None of them looked up from their station except for one, who definitely had the most intimidating mask.  
"Nice of you to show up," piped in another, who's mask resembled a skull.  
"Yea. Master Ren didn't exactly tell me what I was supposed to be doing." You walked into the room and looked around. Your heart froze when three pictures were being displayed: Rey, Finn, and Poe. "What are you guys doing?"  
"We're tracking those three. They're trying to decipher the message on Ochi's dagger to find the last Sith Wayfinder," one with a pretty standard helmet answered. 

There was an awkward silence that followed, only filled with the beeps and whirls of the technology they were using. 

"Can you tell me your names?" You nervously laugh. No one laughs with you. You gulp, feeling a bead of sweat falling down your forehead in your mask. 

"I'm Kuruk," the one who just spoke, replied. "That's Cardo, Vicrul, Trudgen, Ushar, and Ap'lek." He pointed to each soldier as he said their names. You nodded, trying to memorize the information just dropped onto you. This was too confusing, and you started to hate every second of this. A part of you thinks Kylo knew you would hate it. 

"Can you get to work now?" Trudgen huffed as you sighed and sat down on a bench. This sucks. 

You stared at the holographic screen in front of you, not knowing in the slightest how to work it. You were extremely underqualified for this. 

"How do you do this?" you questioned, emitting a groan from the man next to you.  
"Look. We don't have time for this. Just sit there and look pretty," Cardo sighed. 

You huffed and stood up. You had an easier way of doing this. 

You moved to the far side of the room, where the noise was minimal. You placed your hands on the railing and closed your eyes. You emptied your mind, and you thought of only one person. Poe. 

You repeated his name in your mind and thought of his energy. You wanted to manifest wherever he was, maybe throwing the Knights of Ren off their course. Soon, a scene started unfolding in front of you. Rey, Finn, and Poe were inside a cramped room filled with wires, tools, and boxes of scrap metal. They surrounded C3PO, who was offline in a chair with his internal wires… external. You couldn't tell what planet they were on, but you knew they were getting close to figuring out where the Wayfinder is. With a sharp inhale, you opened your eyes and returned to the Star Destroyer. 

You turned around to look at the Knights of Ren. They were huddled around Ap'leks' screen. 

"We have to tell Kylo Ren we found them," he stated.  
"I'll do it. They're about to decipher the message on the dagger," you said. Cardo turned and looked at you.  
"How do you know that?"  
"I… I manifested?" you said nervously, shifting on your feet.  
"We have a comlink. We can tell a general," Vicrul walked to his station and picked up a small silver comlink.  
"Wait! Wouldn't he like this information in person?" You interject, wanting to save Poe from their murderous grip.  
"Vicrul to General Hux," he said, staring at you. "Tell Kylo Ren the Knights have located the rebel group." 

You growl and storm out of the room. You need to stop Kylo Ren from going to that planet. You don't want any harm to come to them again. You needed to save them - it's your last chance to redeem yourself, or your fate will lead you to the dark. 

You eventually make your way to Ren's quarters just in time to see General Hux and General Pryde talking to Kylo Ren. You can't hear what they're saying, but you can feel Kylo's raging aura from down the hall. You can see Ren raise a finger to Hux, forcing him to shut his mouth. Kylo turns around and spots you, then starts walking toward you. You stand at attention. 

"Supreme Leader," you greet coldly.  
"What do you want?" He replies, continuing to walk down the hallway. The generals follow behind.  
"I just wanted to let you know they've already deciphered the message on the dagger. They hacked into their Droid's system to dig into its locked memory. They're about to leave the planet," you were playing two truths and a lie. You wanted it to convince Kylo to end his search, but and the message made him walk even faster. 

"You must stay on the ship. I have to go after the scavenger myself." The mention of Rey changed Kylo's aura. He was excited to see her, but hatred still fueled his actions.  
"Why? You need back up," you reasoned as he pressed the elevator button.  
"I think I can handle myself. At least, better than you can handle your own. I think we all remembered what happened on your last mission." 

You growl in anger and punch the button, halting its ascension. Kylo's head whipped over to you. 

"You and I both know that distracting Rey was part of your plan. When will you stop acting like a child?"  
"I would like to say that we did lose valuable men under the Knights of Ren when you destroyed that transport, Supreme Leader. If that was part of your plan, it was a terrible one", Hux interjected. You turned and noticed the two generals were still waiting with you. General Pryde looked uncomfortable.  
"Leave us," you demanded, annoyed that they even decided to stick around.  
"I don't know who you think you are, but we do not listen to-"  
"I suggest that you take her advice, General Hux," Ren retorted. "Resume your duties. I have something to discuss with my student." 

The two generals look at each other then bowed as a goodbye, swiftly turning and speed walking away. Kylo Ren turned back to you he took in a breath to start chewing you out, but you began before he could. 

"Look. I can be valuable. Let me prove myself to you. Let me go to Kimiji with you," you plead. You take off your helmet and peer into Kylo's eyes, even if he has that stupid helmet on. "I don't know why you're blaming things on me. I made one mistake by talking to the enemy. Poe Dameron means nothing to me anymore; I need you to understand that. They kidnapped Chewbacca, and I think that's pretty damn good enough. I can do this." 

Kylo copies you, removing his helmet. 

"Do you swear it?" he asks. Desperation furrowed his eyebrows. This was… puzzling, to say the least.  
"Swear what?"  
"That the pilot means nothing to you." he looks down at the ground.  
"I swear it," you whisper, lying through your teeth. You place a hand on Kylo's chest, his aura more energized than ever. He looks up from the ground and back into your eyes. 

"I'm sorry for not acknowledging you these past few days. It… it was wrong of me," Ren says, placing a hand on your hip. "Since I've started training you, I've started to respect you, more than I respect some of my generals. I haven't done the best job showing you that." 

Your stomach flutters, confused at the speech you are receiving, and nervous about what he's about to say to you. Poe Dameron still sits in the back of your mind, and you are playing a dangerous game, keeping both men close to you - even if you and Poe aren't on the best terms right now. 

"Palpatine wants you to do something drastic. And I think you know what he wants," he continues. "I trust that you will make the right decision. You… you're important to me. I want you to make me proud." 

He leans down and plants a kiss on your cheek. You stood in shock. 

"What is it that he wants me to do?" you whisper, already knowing. 

"You must kill your connection to the light. Death must become of Poe Dameron."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a fan of cliff hangers 🤪 I'm sorry that it's on the shorter side!


	10. Just a Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finally hearing that Kylo Ren wants you to kill your best friend and long time love interest, you're left deciding what to do. Your inner torment only continues. When he comes with Finn to break Chewie out of his imprisonment, you need to make your decision. Betray your Master and lover, or go with the man who you've known for much longer.

Towards the middle of year two on the Rebel Alliance, you and Poe snuck off of the base to relax a little. He knew of a cantina not too far from your station, so you hopped in your X-Wings and took off. You wanted so badly for it to be a date, but you were too shy to ever confess feelings like that. Besides - Poe said he didn’t want to date. He didn’t want to wake up one day and find out his S.O. was killed in action. 

When you landed at the cantina, you stuck together like glue. You dragged Poe inside and sat down at a table in the far corner of the bar. It was beautiful, with people and alien species from all over the galaxy in one place. The cantina itself was a beautiful stone dome, decorated with colorful flowers and intricately designed lanterns. A skylight lets fresh air and sunrays circulate the bar. You looked around and sighed dreamily. 

“What’s your brain cooking up in there?” Poe asks, one side of his mouth curling up, nodding his chin up towards your head. You look at him and chew your lip.  
“Promise you won’t laugh?” 

He puts his right hand on his chest and raises his left one.

“I promise.” 

You put your elbow on the table and leaned your chin on your hand. 

“Well, there are so many people here. There are so many stories in one room. I wish I could listen to all of them. I’ve lived such a boring life, I can only imagine living the lives they lived.”  
“I think you’ve lived a pretty interesting life,” Poe says, copying your posture. “You were abused for having the Force, ran away to join the Rebellion... plus, you’ve been on a suicide mission here and there,” he shrugged. You began to drown in his eyes.   
“You call finding an arm for Threepio a suicide mission?” you laugh, cheeks flushing. Poe chuckles and shakes his head.  
“No, no. Like when we had to go to Endor and retrieve old information from that abandoned base. We had no idea it would still be filled with crazies that still thought the Empire was a thing,”  
“That one Stormtrooper that had no pants was definitely the scariest part,” you say, shuddering. Poe laughs and leans back against his chair. You sit in comfortable silence for a moment, getting drunk on the pure fire igniting between you two. A waitress flies to your table and puts two of her many hands on her hip. 

“What can I get for ya?”  
“Two Jet Juices, please,” Poe says. The waitress nods and flies away again.  
“I’ll be right back,” you say, standing up. “Nature calls.” Poe rolls his eyes, but he can’t contain that beautiful smile.  
“Gross.” 

You smile and shake your head, making your way to the bathroom. On the way back, you notice a little girl is selling clothes on the tiniest merchant cart you’ve ever seen. She’s asking an alien if he wanted a makeshift shirt that would definitely not fit him. Still, he just growls and brushes her off with a hand, basically the size of her body. She pouts and goes to her cart, pushing it along to the next table. Your heart breaks for her a little. You walk up to her and squat to her height. 

“Hey,” you say gently, smiling at her warmly. She shyly smiles back. Your eyes land on a checkered scarf, and you pick it up. “How much for this one?” 

She holds up four tiny fingers. You smile and reach into your pocket, placing five credits into her hand. She tries to hand one back, but you shake your head. 

“Keep it. You deserve it, little dove,” you say, smiling and standing back up. She giggles and blushes, putting her credits in a coin purse. You turn and walk back to your table, noticing Poe admire you from afar. “That was really sweet, you know.” 

You shrug, placing the scarf on the table.

“It was the right thing to do. Here,” you say, handing Poe the scarf and sipping your drink. “You’re always complaining that it’s cold.” 

Poe picks it up and wraps it around his neck. You raise your eyebrows in surprise. Poe does it back. 

“Well?”  
“It... it actually suits you,” you shrug. “Don’t let it go to your head, though.” 

“Too late.” He smirks. “Thank you,” he says, smiling into his drink. You can’t help but smile into your own cup, a fire spreading through your veins. You cross your legs and stare into the bottom of your beverage as you set it down. You’ve just never felt happier.

You’re knocked out of your memory by Kylo Ren stating your name.

“I know that you were close Dameron once. It’s hard to come to terms with it. Once your saber passes through him, it will feel like nothing even happened. He will be ripped from your mind.” You don’t really believe him. His hand was still resting on your hip and yours was still on his chest, but you just stared at the ground. The news was setting in, and you didn’t like how it felt. Kylo keeps talking when you wish he wouldn’t. “Every Sith has to complete it. I need to trust that you will make the right decision.” You take a step back, removing your hand from his chest. You put your helmet back on. You’re starting to realize that you’re not good at lying to Kylo Ren, or yourself.

“Go to Kimiji without me.”   
“I actually intended to take the Knights of Ren with me. You would be left alone on the ship,” he states, replacing his own helmet.  
“I’d like to remain here.”   
His hand twitches. He wanted to comfort you, but he didn’t know how. You don’t move, tensing your body along with the air around you. After another moment of silence, he turns, walking to the next working elevator. 

You turn around and feel the need to walk to Chewbacca’s interrogation room, mind clouded. 

You were ping-ponging between men. Were you feigning your need for Kylo or for Poe? Are you only holding onto them because you’re afraid to lose both? The pressure on you was so immense, you could barely breathe. The persistent internal argument was wearing you down. The connection between both men was undeniable; you just had to identify the stronger one.

You wait outside of Chewie’s prison cell for a few minutes when a strange feeling starts to bubble at the pit of your stomach. Familiar energy pimpled your skin, and your heart sped up. You remained tense as the aura grew stronger. You heard a few blaster shots, some talking, then footsteps as they drew closer to you. 

Finn and Poe rounded the corner. Finn didn’t hesitate to shoot his blaster. With a swoop of your hand, the Force guided it past you and into the hallway behind you. Poe aims his own blaster at you, not knowing what to do. 

“Why are you here?” he asks.  
“Well, first, I live here. Second, it was just a feeling,” you answer, removing your helmet. Finn says your name in shock. “You’re here for Chewie,” you state. You glance up to a little dome shape in the corner. “Shoot the cameras.” Finn and Poe follow your suggestion, but Poe puts his blaster back on you.  
“You can’t stop us,” Poe says, walking closer to you. You raise your hands, surrendering to him.  
“I know. I can help you, though.” An awkward silence ensues; no one in the room knows what to say. “Please stop aiming that thing at me, you’re stressing me out.”   
“I can’t trust you, not anymore. Open the door for us.” 

You sigh, turning and walking to the door panel, helmet in your hand. You enter the code, and the interrogation room opens, empty besides Chewbacca. Finn only focuses on him, not even thinking about the fact you work for the enemy. Poe hesitates to leave you by yourself. 

You watch them rejoice, Chewie letting out a celebratory growl. 

“We’re gonna get you out of here, buddy.” Chewie chatters in response. “Yes, Rey’s here, she’s going to get the dagger. Come on, we gotta go,” Finn pulls him to his feet, then looks at you.  
“What do we do with her?”   
“Let’s put her in the interrogation seat. See how she likes it.” Poe suggests, hatred turning his face to stone.  
“Please. Let me help you. I’m in the Knights of Ren-  
“What?!” Finn interrupts.  
“Yea, we established this already, I’m a bad guy. But I still need to help you guys. It’s the right thing to do,” you continue. “As I was saying, troopers will listen to me. I’m technically their boss. I can make sure you get back to your ship safely.” 

The men look at each other, and Chewie roars. Poe looks at you. “I don’t trust you. How could I?” 

Finn stands and grabs a pair of restraints. 

“What are you doing? What did Chewie say?” You ask, taking a step back.  
“It’s for your own good. You work for them now,” Finn starts walking towards you, Poe standing up to give him back up if he needs it. Your hand goes to your saber, gripping it tightly. “Don’t do this. Please.” 

Finn looks at Poe again, and Chewie lets out a howl. Finn lunges at you, and you shove him back into the wall with the Force. Poe shoots at you a few times, and it takes you a split second to turn on your saber and send them back to him. The blasts whiz by his head, missing by mere inches. 

"Stop! We don’t have to do this if you just trust me,” you plead. Footsteps start echoing through the hallway. “You don’t have much of a choice.” 

Poe and Finn looked at each other, and Chewie’s chattering and huffing seemed to be more annoyed each time he spoke. You roll your eyes at their hesitancy and put your helmet on. You take your other saber and attach it to the end, turning it on and spinning your body to face the few troopers who made the sad mistake to try and fight the rebels. They started shooting on sight, but your motions were too fast for them. You skillfully deflected their lasers back, immediately taking care of three of the troopers. Two aimed at you, but with a force push, they were knocked into the wall and sliced by your saber. One ran, but you picked up a blaster and shot them in the back. You turned around and faced the men again, shock on their faces. 

“I think we should just go with her, Poe,” Finn whispered. “Maybe she’s not all that bad.”   
“When I tell you I’ve been fighting, I’ve been fighting. Every day I wake up and I have to contemplate if I should go with what I know is right or give into the dark. And if I do let it take me, please let me help you before I go,” you plead. Poe’s aura saddens, and he nods solemnly.  
“Fine. We’ll follow you.” 

You turn off your saber, and Chewie grunts disapprovingly.  
“Yea. Well, it’s what she said. We don’t have much of a choice,” Poe sighs. 

“Now get off your asses and let’s get moving,” you order. 

They scramble to regroup, and you hand a blaster to Chewie. He thanks you in Wookie, and you nod in return. You lead them out of the interrogation room, speed walking your way through the halls. 

“Can we go a little faster?” Poe asks, the men and the Wookie checking every corner for any oncoming troopers.  
“If we want to remain unnoticed, we have to act normal.”   
“How can we act normal when we have a seven-foot-tall prisoner on the loose, and everyone on this ship wants us dead!?” He shoots a couple times, taking down some troopers.  
“You have me!” You call, shooting your blaster down a hallway without looking, sensing a life force making its way down it. It diminishes after they cry out in pain.  
“We have a few on our tail, we gotta go!” Finn pleads. You huff in annoyance and start to run, the three of them in tow. 

The action becomes a bit more frantic. Down every hallway, a pair of stormtroopers are waiting. None of them live to tell the tale that a Knight of Ren helped a trio of rebels escape. To be honest, you’ve never felt more alive. You missed working with Poe, and you missed being a part of something bigger.

Soon, Poe takes the lead in running through a hallway. A trooper tells him to halt, and he falls as he’s hit.  
“Poe!” you scream, Finn killing the troopers that are nearing. You run to his aide, and place a gentle hand on his arm. “Are you okay?” 

He grunts and props himself up on his elbow. “No,” he whines, following his eyes to see troopers coming up on all sides. A trooper states your last name.  
“What are you doing?” you look up, and your eyes flick to his ID number. Your heart stops.  
“LS-3740.” You stand and attach your blaster back to your belt. “I’ve been following this little group of scum that thinks they can outsmart me. I need them to be delivered back to an interrogation room.”   
“General Hux and Allegiant General Pryde want them alive. That was their orders.” Damn.  
“Okay. I’ll accompany you. Put restraints on them.” You stand up, pointing to some troopers and gesturing to your three friends. They are done as they are told, and Poe shoots daggers in your direction. Finn sighs. 

After they are restrained and their weapons seized, you lead them to the top deck to deliver them to Generals Hux and Pryde. Your nerves bubble in your stomach as you walk towards them. Hux was just a mouse you could crush under your boot, but Pryde was more intimidating. His cold stare bore holes into your helmet, his aura dark and disturbing. His permanent scowl grew in disgust as you led the rebels to their feet. 

“I found them, Generals,” you greet, not really knowing what to do.  
“And the scavenger?” Pryde asks.  
“She wasn’t with them,” Lewis responds.  
“What should we do with them?” you say, crossing your fingers and toes he doesn’t give the order to-  
“Take them away from here. Terminate them.” without another word, Pryde spins on his heel and leaves. Hux stays behind, following his superior with his eyes.  
“I’ll see to it that it’s done, General Pryde.” Hux states.  
“I don’t care. As long as they end up dead,” Pryde calls behind him. Hux turns to you. Great.  
"Follow me." 

Hux leads the group down to a lower floor where engines and other mechanical things are stored. Three troopers stayed with you, one for each prisoner. Lewis was ordered to go back to his post, thank god. You didn’t want to have to see his death. 

You stood alongside the troopers, your body tense. Hux stood next to you. You couldn’t help but stare at the weasely little man. His aura was strange - anxious, and his mind was racing.  
“Turn around,” he ordered the prisoners. They did as they were told. The troopers aimed their blasters and waited for you or Hux to order to fire. You hold your breath, trying to figure out what to do. Your hand stinks down to your hip, ready to strike with your saber. 

"Wait." 

You release your breath and look at Hux. 

"I want to do it myself." 

This is even worse. 

One stormtrooper looks at you, and you shrug. The trooper hands over his blaster and Hux aims it at the three in front of you. 

Poe looks at Finn one last time, and you think he may say something heartwarming. Instead, he opens his loud mouth. 

“What were you going to tell Rey earlier?” Finn tenses up.  
“You’re still on that?” He spits. “This isn’t the best time.”   
“Well, I figured, if you wanted to get something off your chest, this would be-” 

Finn starts talking over him, and they continue to bicker. Chewie even groans, trying to get them to shut up. Without warning, Hux turns around and aims the blaster at you and the three troopers, blasting them away. In a split second, you throw up your saber and deflect it away, freezing Hux and holding your saber to his throat.

“What are you doing?” You ask, astonished.  
“I’m the spy!” he yelps. You tilt your head and lift your eyes to Poe and Finn.

"What?!"  
“You??”   
Chewie lets out a guttural chitter, resembling a laugh.  
“You’re shitting me,” you say, removing your helmet and releasing your grip on Hux. You tuck your helmet under your arm and help Poe take off his shackles first. You remove Finn’s next as Poe removes Chewie’s.  
“We don’t have much time. I’ll lead you to the Falcon, and I’ll make sure you get out of here alive,” Hux rambles, fixing his collar.  
“I knew it,” Poe says, a smile spreading across his face. Your heart melts a little, and you can’t help but smile too.  
“No, you didn’t,” Finn mumbles under his breath.  
“There’s no time for bickering, we have to move!” Hux is already starting to run down the hall. The group follows, with you in tow. 

Hux in the front, he knows which hallways have the most Stormtroopers on guard, minimizing casualties. Since you’re in the back, you make sure every door you pass through is locked behind you. 

When you reach the landing bay, a wave of pulling energy rushes through you, which means Kylo is back. Your jog slows down a little. Poe senses your lack of speed and looks over his shoulder.  
“What’s the holdup?”   
“I have to go,” you say, tears in your eyes. It was Crait all over again. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to him,” Poe says, defeatedly. You start crying.  
“I have to.” Poe jogs to you, takes your helmet out of your hand, and tosses it to the ground.  
“No, you don’t. You don’t have to. You can come with us. Today showed me you have good still inside of you.” He holds one of your hands as the other one wipes away a tear. You shake your head.  
“I know I still have good in me. But Ren... he calls to me. I can’t help but follow,” you sob, wanting so dearly to follow Poe. You want to wrap your arms around him, have him carry you to the Falcon. But you were stuck in Kylo Ren’s trap. You felt incredible anxiety knowing that he’s here, but not with you. You felt like you belonged together, but no one would understand. Hell, you don’t even understand. You were being torn apart from the inside. Poe whispers your name.

“I had so much faith in you.” 

You meet his eyes. They’re heartbroken, perhaps a little teary-eyed as well. 

“Why help us?” He asks. “Why betray the First Order, but not come with us?”   
“I told you, Poe, I can’t help it. I need Kylo Ren. Without him, I guess... I feel like I’m not as strong.” Poe’s face twists in disgust. You shake your head. 

“Please don’t look at me like that,” you cry. Despair was filling your chest. You felt hollow. 

"I just don't understand."  
“I don’t either.” 

He drops your hand, and you wipe the tears off your cheeks. 

"Good luck, Poe. I…"  
“Don’t even say it,” he scoffs. He fists the scarf around his neck and pulls it off, dropping it to the ground in front of you. The last piece of you he was holding onto. Poe turned and resumed running to the flight deck, following the family that would never betray him as you have. 

Stepping over the scarf, you pick your blaster back off of your hip and walk toward them, gritting your teeth as silent tears spilled onto your cheeks. You aimed at Poe, thinking you could finally do it. Your last trial to become a sith. You could sever your connection to the light, rejecting the path that would lead you to defeat the First Order. The internal torment could end in one motion. Your finger was resting on the trigger. 

Poe paused to look at the Falcon through the window. You squeezed your eyes shut, cried out, and pulled your finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always with the cliffhangers. To be honest, I don't know what I want to happen myself. Also, I might go back and work on some of the older chapters because I went back to reread one and I hated it LOL so if I fix some of them I'll let you know in the beginning notes of the next chapter.


	11. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After following Kylo's request, not only do you have to process it, but you notice a change within yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a mention of blood and throwing up but I don't go into description!! You can never be too safe y'know?

You struggled to breathe. Your eyes remained shut as you listened to the blast strike, then a thud to the ground. You opened your eyes slowly, landing on Poe’s body in front of you. Your arm remained stretched out, blaster in hand. Finn didn’t know how to react either; it took him a second to let out a primal scream. He ran to Poe’s side, kneeling and placing pressure on the wound. Chewbacca is starting up the Falcon for departure with the droids. Finn was alone, a helpless pile of tears.

You turned your back to them and looked at the ground. Your chest was heaving, ears ringing, and vision blurred. You stumbled over to your helmet and picked it up, fumbling to put it on your head. You picked up Poe’s scarf and shoved it into a pocket on your belt. You tried walking away, but you lost your footing and fell onto all fours. You felt nauseous - you’re really about to hurl inside of your helmet, aren’t you? You started shivering, although you’ve never been sweatier. You looked over your shoulder at Finn and Poe again. Finn, with the help of Hux, tried dragging him to the ship. They were running out of time before the impeders turned back on. They left a trail of his blood behind them. 

“Oh my god,” you mumble to yourself, struggling to stand back up. Your body felt like lead. You raised your hand and try grabbing the rail next to you. Gravity’s pull thought otherwise; your hand caught nothing but air, making you collapse onto the floor and groan. 

“Help,” you slur, knowing no one would hear you. You were sick with disgust in yourself. You wanted this to be over and to get to the part where you didn’t care anymore. Footsteps neared you, and you tried to stand up yourself, but your appendages were jelly. White boots walked their way in front of you. You glanced up - a stormtrooper was staring down at you. 

“Please,” you drawl. The trooper squats and helps you stand, throwing your arm around his shoulders and his arm around your waist.   
“Let’s get you to your quarters.”   
“Lewis,” you mumble, recognizing his voice.   
“It’s okay. Don’t speak. I got you.” There was a click of a comlink in his free hand. “Tell the Supreme Leader that his apprentice requires some help.” 

Behind you, an engine roared. Looking out the window, the Falcon takes off. You knew Poe was barely clinging onto life. He didn’t have much time left. 

Lewis recruited another Stormtrooper to support your left side. On your way through the Star Destroyer, the shock never left your body. You were dragged through almost the whole ship to your front door.

“Just LS, please,” you murmur. The stranger left your side and followed your wishes. Lewis drags you into your room and lays you on your bed. 

“Are you going to be okay?” He asks.   
“I think so.”   
“Supreme Leader will be contacting you soon,” he states, leaving the room.   
“Don’t go,” you whisper, your face twisting underneath your mask. You were holding back tears. Lewis freezes for a moment but then leaves, shutting the door behind him. 

Sealed alone with your thoughts, you broke down sobbing. 

You throw off your armor, stripping to your undergarments. You strumbled into the bathroom and collapsed in front of the toilet. You purge the contents of your stomach and continue dry heaving afterward. 

You paused. You felt a drop in your abdomen, and vibrations in the air around you. 

A lifeforce extinguished. 

You leaned against the wall across from the toilet and stared at the fluorescent light above you, letting the bright white light blind you. You went catatonic, remaining in that spot until Kylo Ren knocked on your door. Not a muscle moved. 

You heard your door slide open, and heavy boots walk in. Kylo called your name, absent of the mechanical static of his helmet. You don’t respond. You feel and hear the thud of his footsteps near the bathroom. When he enters, his eyes are immediately on you. He stares at you for a few seconds before he turns on the shower. Kylo removes his own armor, stripping to his boxers. He picks you up and cradles you, sitting down with you in the tub, letting the warm water douse you and fill up the bath. You lay your head on his body and close your eyes. After a few minutes, he speaks. 

“I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”   
“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling safe in his arms, but still dwelling on the crime you’ve committed. “How long did it take for you to stop thinking about…y’know...”   
“I still do,” he confesses. “Murdering my father was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. But, I wouldn’t have gotten here without doing it. I wouldn’t have become as strong as I am. You, my dear,” he says, tucking hair behind your ear, “will become stronger than I ever will be. I know that for a fact.” 

Silence for a few more minutes. 

“When will I stop feeling this way?”   
“Soon,” he whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”   
“What is Rey to you?”   
“...She is nothing to me. A bug I have to step on. If she dies, the light dies with her. We will prevail.”   
You opened your eyes and looked at his face. “Swear to me.”   
He looked down into your eyes, nose inches away from yours. “I swear to you.” 

The air was still tense. You searched Kylo’s eyes for any sign of betrayal, but he places a hand on your cheek and kisses you softly. You sigh and lean into it, loving the feeling of his soft lips on yours. After sharing the sweet moment, you lay back down into him and find yourself snuggling against his wet skin. He shuts off the water with a wave of his hand, and you lay together, half-naked in the warm water. 

You fall asleep after finding peace in his arms. 

When you wake up, you are shoved to the edge of your twin-sized mattress. You try and scoot closer to the middle of the bed, but a behemoth of a man is in the midst of the deepest sleep you’ve ever witnessed. You shove him to try and roll him over, but instead, he turns and faces you, eyes still closed. He slides an arm under your head and wraps the other around you, encasing you against his chest. You inhale deeply, getting drunk on his scent of fire and leather. You wrap your arm around him and rests his hand on your temple, placing a delicate kiss on your forehead. 

You lay in silence for a few more minutes, enjoying the serenity of the room. Kylo is the first to get out of bed and stumble into the bathroom to relieve his bladder. You remain in bed, nuzzling your head in the pillow he used for comfort. You start to doze off again when Ren comes trudging back into the room. You sat up and watched his muscles dance under his skin as he put on layer after layer of clothing. 

“Get dressed,” he suggested, turning to face you as he put on his belt. “We have work to do today.”   
“Yes sir,” you hum, watching his hands work.   
“Be quick. Palpatine will be… calling us soon.” He looked in the mirror and started to attach his cloak.

You stretched and started to walk to the bathroom, but you paused when you felt darkness fall like a blanket in the room. You froze as you stared into space, a ghastly voice drowning out the hum of the ship. 

“I see the new generation of Sith has begun,” Palpatine rejoiced.   
“Yes,” Kylo Ren replied. “She’s strong with the Force, and has learned quickly.”   
“Perfect.” While Palpatine might be your boss now, the way he drew out the R made your skin crawl. “But... the Jedi apprentice still lives. Perhaps you have betrayed me. Do not make me turn my fleet against you."  
“I know where she’s going. She’ll never be a Jedi.”   
“Make sure of it. Kill her,” Palpatine orders curtly. “And you, child. Help him. See to it that it is done.”   
“Yes, Senator Palpatine,” you say, excitement hitching your breath. You’d kill anyone that had the chance of getting in Ren’s way. The thought of Rey made you boil with rage. 

The Force Call ends, and you resume preparing for the day. 

You stare at yourself in the mirror, running your fingers through your hair. Memories flash through your mind of Poe: teaching him how to braid hair with your own. The way he used to toss it over your shoulder when you were working on your ship because he knew it annoyed you. How he always complimented it right after you finished styling it. You stared at the scissors that sat in plain sight on your shelf. 

Nono, you told yourself. I won’t stoop to that level yet. 

As you roam around the room getting ready, Kylo’s eyes never leave you for a second. When fully armored, you stare at yourself in the mirror with Kylo standing behind you. You let him enjoy the view for a few seconds before putting him in the dog house. 

“You let her go?” You say, staring at Kylo’s reflection in the mirror. His gaze meets yours.   
“She jumped out of the exit from one ship to another. The engine exhaust knocked us back.”   
“You couldn’t have used the force?”   
“I was too busy keeping myself standing.”   
“You’re stronger than that.” You made sure you were curt.   
“Why are you lecturing me?”   
“The tables have to turn one day. It’s that day.” You face him, business talk resuming. “You had the chance, and you didn’t take it. You know she needs to be destroyed if you want to rule the galaxy, so why did you let her go?”   
“You need to watch your mouth. ...I have a plan for her.”   
“Do you care to tell me what it is?” 

You both pause for a second. 

“You’re afraid that I’ll want her instead?” 

You shift on your feet, cheeks warming. “I just want to know that she really does mean nothing to you. I proved it to you. Now you have to prove it to me. Let us prevail.”   
“I will. I plan to kill her wherever we find her next. We’re on the Falcon’s trail.”   
“Okay,” you say, shrugging your shoulders and dropping it.   
“Okay.” 

The air was still. 

“... I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” you say truthfully.   
“It’s okay. As your Master, I’m suggesting you meditate on what happened last night. It’ll recenter you.” He places a hand on your waist and pulls you in closer. “I’ll see you at the command center in an hour?”   
“Sure.” 

You stare into each other’s helmets for a second, both of you wanting to show some sort of affection - but you didn’t know how. You pull apart and leave your quarters together, splitting off in different directions. You stand by the elevator and watch Kylo’s silhouette disappear down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for Lewis the Stormtrooper I promise!!!!! I also wanted to make it longer but I got lost 🥴 I'll make up for it, I pinkie promise. 
> 
> Every time I look at the fic it has more hits and stuff so if you're reading this I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart it's been so long since I've written something and I'm so glad how well it's doing (at least for my standards)


	12. Who You Truly Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally let the Dark Side take over. After the mystery of the Force shows you your fate, you have a couple of important conversations. It seems like the Universe is trying to tell you that you still have the chance to change your future. Will you listen to it, or remain oblivious?

You walked into the mediation room and sat down on the stool. You stared into the open space, mind blank. You absolutely did not want to do this. You sighed, closed your eyes, and let yourself feel the Force's vibrations around you - the strongest it's ever been. You wanted someone to guide you, anyone to tell you what to do next besides Kylo. You remembered from past lessons that he told you the power behind any Sith was pain. 

"Jedi focus on peace when they meditate. They try to connect to the Force to use it as a defense. We must get in touch with our emotions, which is the core of our power, and the Dark Side of the Force. The strongest emotions we feel are rage, pain, hatred… get in touch with those, and it will come to you." 

You take a deep breath and dwell on Kylo's instructions. You take off your helmet and sit it next to you, then reach into your belt and pull out Poe's scarf. You run your hand over it, feeling the soft fabric and little tassels around its edges. You bring it to your face and inhale his scent - cologne, and campfire - and fold it into a square in front of you. 

You replay the night before over and over in your head, dwelling on your feelings of wrath, guilt, and melancholy. The thud of his body on the floor. The glistening of his blood on the pristine floor. The smell of the plasma blast from your gun. The pain you searched for was there. It seemed unbending. The more you thought, the more the hatred for yourself and for Poe grew. You hated him for giving up on you so quickly. You thought the bond you shared was stronger than his hatred of the Order. He should have given you a chance, and he should've listened. The rage was growing with each breath you took. 

You closed your eyes and slowed your breath, focusing on your emotions and the energy rising around you. You were mustering every inch of power you had for guidance from the Force, asking it to show you your path. After a few minutes, you fell into a trance. 

You were transported to a dark, wet cave. It was silent besides the echo of your breathing. You felt compelled to walk deeper. As you walked, the silhouette of a woman became clearer. Your future self was there to give you another message. She looked the same, but her head was still shaven. When you came face to face, you were taken aback. The power she emanated brought despair to your heart. She was making you feel how others felt around you. You loved it. 

"Your training is complete," she hissed. "You are not afraid of who you truly are." With a grin, she waved a hand over your face, and you were transported to a different location. 

You were on a planet, lush with grass, but surrounded by the ocean. The Knights of Ren fight a group of people while Kylo's tie fighter was flying overhead. As you were watching it soar, you heard someone yell your name behind you. You turned to see Finn, reaching up with a club-like weapon to strike you down. But before the blow could land, you were falling, and you landed lightly onto the ruins of a ship you only heard of in myths - the Death Star. You heard grunting and sabers crashing, and you followed the noise to reveal a showdown between you and Rey. Kylo was walking up to join the fight. As you walked closer, you took a step onto wet rock and heard thunder crashing above you. You looked around, a torrential downpour soaking you to the bone. Three ships were present - two tie fighters and an X-Wing. You have never been more confused, but you think you see your future laid out in front of you. Does the X-Wing mean Poe never really died? You turned around to look at your surroundings, and you saw Kylo sitting on the ground, hunched over someone. You immediately ran to him to see if he was okay. As you reach out to place a hand on his shoulder, he vanishes, and you wake from your trance. 

When you opened your eyes, you were floating, so you gently replaced yourself on the ground. You picked up the scarf and tuck it back into your belt. Good to know that it sparks the power inside of you. You sighed and walked to the windows on the other side of the room. You gazed out the window and dwelled on the visions, wondering how long it would take to see Kylo defeated like that. It scared you. You don't want to see him like that, ever. 

You continue to look out the window in front of you when you sense familiar energy enter the room, followed by shuffling footsteps. "Lewis. Come stand beside me," you request. 

He doesn't move for a second. 

"Why do you hesitate?"  
"No reason, Ma'am." You can practically hear him gulp as he walks up beside you.  
"You don't have to be nervous. Relax a little. Take off your helmet," you coax.  
"A-are you sure?"  
"Yes. You're my friend. I won't tell on you." Your eyes glance up to an asteroid in the distance. Your hand grips onto the railing tightly. After Lewis finishes fumbling with his helmet, he holds it in his hands and looks at you. Out of the corner of your eye, you can tell he has flawless mahogany skin and piercing honey-brown eyes.  
"I… have to ask you something."  
"Go ahead."  
"Why did you give me a name?" Lewis rests his hand on the railing and picks at the softwood, etching a little scratch into the finish. His eyes shift down to focus on his nervous habit.  
"I thought that you might've deserved one. You were my guard, and I felt that I could trust you. I didn't want to refer to you as just a number."  
"It's changing something inside of me. This… what we're doing? It's wrong." You turned to face him.  
"What who is doing?"  
"The First Order. Killing innocent people… destroying planets. It's wrong." He looks up from his carving and to your face. He's very handsome, you'll give him that. But not even the strongest jawline in the world could distract you from the betrayal you are hearing. "Why does the Supreme Leader have to destroy the lives of thousands to take over the Galaxy?"  
"He has to destroy the New Republic for the Order to take its place. We're destroying those who defy us along with the New Republic's greatest leaders."  
"Can't we just take them as prisoners?"  
"No. With our luck, they'd escape." You turn away from him, gazing at the starry ocean in front of you.  
"Like how the scavenger used a Jedi Mind-Trick on you to help the prisoner escape yesterday?" 

Your nails grip into the railing, and you feel your heart freeze. The wood under your hands crack. Lewis jumps back. 

"What's your point of this conversation, anyway?" You snarled.  
"Ever since you gave me a name, something switched inside of me. I feel human. I'm not a mindless drone anymore… it's scary." 

You turn to him, pleading with his eyes. 

"I really thought the First Order was onto something. But now, I see it's a load of horseshit. I know you know it too, deep inside of you." 

You shake your head. "Get out of here, Lewis."  
"Y-you mean… escape?"  
"Out of this room. Now."  
"Listen to me-" 

You stomp your foot while simultaneously stretching out your hand, using the Force to drag him into your grip. You hold onto his neck and move your face in, your lips grazing his ear. 

"No, no, you listen to me. I can strangle you as easily as I can. I'm letting you go, LS-3740. If I hear a word of you escaping, I'll hunt you down and kill you myself." You wait for a second, listening to the sounds of his struggle. Your heart was pounding out of excitement. Letting go, he gasps and holds onto his neck. Terror is etched in his expression, fear refusing to let him move. 

"Lewis, I'm doing you a favor. Get the fuck out." You demand, jerking your head towards the exit. 

When the tip of your tongue releases the last syllable, he replaces his helmet and speed walks out of the room. You smile to yourself, loving the power you now hold. 

As you're walking to pick up your helmet and leave the room, the energy around you ripples, and the world is silent. 

"You're late," Kylo's voice states in your head. "This meeting is important."  
"You trying to tell me you miss me?" You tease.  
"...Get up here." He might sound annoyed, but you know that deep down, he laughed. 

You made your way to the command center. When you walk in, everyone sensed a change in dynamic. You brought darkness with you; no one dared to look you in the eye. Kylo was the first to detect your entrance. 

"She's here," He told General Pryde, lifting his head to meet your eyes. The connection was so strong, it felt as if the energy hummed around you.  
"Excellent."  
"What are our next plans?" you ask, walking next to him.  
"Rey and the others are going to a moon in the Endor system," Kylo informed you. "General Hux is with them. He was the traitor."  
"I'm aware," you state, and General Pryde glares are you.  
"And you did nothing to stop him?"  
"I was incapacitated," you snapped back.  
"I suggest you watch it, Allegiant General. She will be your Empress one day." 

"What?" You and Pryde say simultaneously. Kylo looks at you.  
"I plan on becoming Emperor of the Galaxy. I want you to be with me when I do." 

You smirk underneath your mask. You so desperately want to reach out and take Ren's hand, but you must remain professional. 

"I see," Pryde states, looking you up and down. "But she isn't my leader now. You are, Supreme Leader, and I don't care for your… romantic life. All I care about is taking down the resistance."  
"You're on thin ice," Kylo states, looking back at Pryde. He continues with the business talk. "I know what she's looking for on Kef Bir. I will pursue her while the Knights of Ren and ground troops deal with the civilians or any rebels that get in the way."  
"What is she looking for?" You ask.  
"A Wayfinder. She wants to get to Exegol and kill Senator Palpatine."  
"What happens if she does?" You tilt your head.  
"She turns to the Dark Side. I'd rather her be dead. Listening to the light, she will stop at nothing to get rid of the First Order. On the Dark, who knows what she will be capable of.  
"You can't tell me she scares you, Supreme Leader." Pryde scoffs.  
"She doesn't."  
"We need to get to Kef Bir as soon as possible," you interject. "Can we stop bickering and get on course?"  
"We already are," Pryde states. "We'll be there in a few hours."  
"Perfect. Meeting adjourned?"  
"Yes. Resume your duties, Allegiant General." Kylo states.  
Pryde bows his head and stalks off to a different section of the command center. You watch him with a frown on your face. 

"I don't like him either," Kylo whispers. "Come with me. I want to discuss something with you." 

You nod and follow him into a private meeting room attached to command. When the door shuts and locks behind you, he takes off his helmet. You take this as a cue to copy him, setting your mask next to his. He removes his gloves and takes your hand.

"I meant what I said earlier," he starts. "I want you to become my Empress. You've proven to me you are loyal. You let the dark side take you in, my dear, and the dedication to the First Order you have makes me proud. You've had the chance to leave two times now, and you've stayed. Our connection… it's unlike any other. I want you to be by my side for as long as we're alive." 

Kylo's cheeks are flushing more than you've ever seen before. He may not have a way with words, but he still tugged at your heartstrings. You smiled and placed a hand on his cheek. 

"I would love to rule by your side, my love. It would be an honor to rule with our great Supreme Leader. I will be here to help you with anything you may need. My allegiance to you will never waver." 

He whispers your name, pulling you closer to him by your hips. You place your other hand on his cheek and stand on your toes, pulling his face in for a passionate kiss, sealing your fate together as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh sorry this is late. Animal Crossing was calling my name, and my long-distance partner finally visited after a long three months. Two more things: Happy Pride Month, and to those of you who are up to date with the news recently, my heart goes out to anyone affected by any riots, violence, or racism encountered during these unprecedented times. I stand with you. Black Lives Matter. If I can help any of you, I will in any way I can.


	13. The Battle of Kef Bir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kylo asks you to become his future Empress, you arrive at Kef Bir - a moon in the Endor system where the Rebels have fled. Your job is to make sure no one leaves the planet. When there's a break in the fighting, the Force beckons you to the ruins of the Death Star.

"What made you decide to ask me?" You cooed as you traced the outline of his jaw with your fingertips.  
"It came to me earlier today. I just knew I had to. Like I said, you've grown so much. You used to be such a brat." 

You scoffed. 

"Well, I was trying to get used to being a part of the Order. Besides. The first time you met me, you kidnapped me."  
"Well, you know I do anything to get what I want," he mumbled as he kissed your jaw. "Will you ever forgive me?" 

You hummed and put a hand in his wavy locks. "Maybe someday," you teased. His mouth left a trail of kisses to yours, planting a deep kiss on your lips. The one kiss turned into many, and before you knew it, you were sitting on the edge of the meeting table, intensely making out. You placed your hands on his face, and his hands held on to your hips. His tongue desperately explored your mouth like his life depended on it. As your tongues and mouths stayed interlocked, your hands went down to his pants and palmed his growing manhood. He moaned into your mouth, the vibrations of his voice making the warmth between your legs spread through your body. He broke away from your mouth, his eyes deep and intense. 

You knew what he wanted. You wanted it even more. 

You instantly started removing the layers of your armor, exposing your pussy to his hungry gaze. He wasted no time getting on his knees and wrapping his arms around your thighs. He kept his eyes locked on yours as his tongue licked a wide strip through your folds. 

"Fuckk," you moaned, tossing your head back.  
"It's been too long." Kylo hummed as his lips wrapped around your clit. He sucked softly as the tip of his tongue flicked around the small bundle of nerves. Your hand slammed onto the table and gripped tightly.  
"Holy fucking shit." 

The corners of his mouth twisted upwards ever so slightly before burying his face deeper into your cunt. His tongue left no inch of your skin unexplored, lapping your wetness like it was the nectar of life. He removed a glove and teased your entrance with his middle finger. You whimpered and inched closer, trying to get his finger to slip inside you. Successful in your endeavor, he pumped his digit as his tongue focused on your clit in small circles. 

"Fuck me, Ren," you whined as one of your hands gripped onto his hair. He hummed and added a second finger before moving his hand as fast as he could. His tongue continued working, eyebrows furrowed in focus. You squirm underneath his touch, a puddle of a woman on the table. He pulled away for air and marveled at you, mouth agape. 

"Give me your cock, please," you begged. "Your fingers aren't enough." 

He saw that as a challenge. He pulled his fingers out of your pussy, stood up, and held them to your lips. You hesitated for a second, but you stuck out your tongue, and he placed his fingers inside your mouth. You sucked them clean, bobbing your head as if you were cleaning off his dick. 

"That's a good girl," he purred as his other hand pulled out his cock. "Turn around."

You follow his command, standing up to lay stomach-down on top of the table instead. Before he slides inside of you, he places his member on your pussy and grinds into you, the head of his penis tapping your clit. You whine and wriggle some more. 

"For the love of gods, stop teasing me,"  
"It's my favorite part." He leans down and nibbles your ear lobe. "Besides. I love seeing you beg," he mumbles lowly into your ear. 

He slips inside of your cunt and you arch your back, lifting your ass higher in the air.  
"Shiiit," you moan. "Kylo…" 

This man, being very precious with his time, instantly starts fucking your brains out. He grips onto your hips tightly and starts thrusting at a fast pace, giving you all of his thick length. The force of his thrusts knocks your helmets off the table, clanging to the ground. You reach behind you and spread your pussy apart to give him a better view. 

"Keep doing that, little girl," he grunts out. He holds onto your arms and holds you back, and his cock mercilessly pounds harder inside of you.  
"Give me your fingers," you moan, and he slips his fingers into your mouth, using the Force to replace where his hand just was. He shoves his fingers as far as you can take them. You suck hard, trying to stop yourself from moaning since the whole command center can probably hear you.  
"Look at me." He demands. Your head turns back, fingers still in your mouth, eyes connected. He grits his teeth, the drunken look on your face fueling him. 

"Do you want to cum, baby?" He breaths. You nod your head as you take his fingers deeper, gagging on them momentarily. He moans and pulls his fingers out of your mouth to slam you down onto the table again. "Then, cum." 

You place your tired arms back onto the table as his thrusts change to pulling almost all the way out, then back in again, keeping up the same speedy pace. You slam your fist down onto the table as invisible fingers start twirling around your clit.  
"Ren!!" You scream, starting to shake because of the sheer force of your orgasm. You felt like fireworks were popping off in your brain, your ears ringing. Kylo moans your name as his thrusts start to get sloppy, cumming at the same time. He pulls out of you and shoots the rest of his load on your pussy, making a complete mess. 

Before you could complain about it, he gets back down and cleans you up with his tongue, humming in appreciation the whole time. When he's done, you roll over onto your back and lay limp as he leans down and showers you in kisses. 

"I love you," you mumble, without a second thought. Kylo freezes in his tracks, unsure of what to do. The first thing he does is fix himself, so he's no longer exposed. The second thing he does is plant a kiss on your forehead. 

"I know." 

Your cheeks flush. I know? What is that supposed to mean? Does he not love you back? Does he not feel the undeniable strength of your connection, your relationship? You huff and you hop off the table and pull your bottoms back on. You face away from him as you pick your helmet back up and hurry to put it on, embarrassed of yourself. He pauses you by using the Force, but quickly releases, feeling guilty. 

"Hey. I didn't mean it like that, I just…" Kylo sighs. "You know I care about you."  
"Save it." 

He starts to say your name but is interrupted by a knock on the door. 

"Sir? We've arrived." 

"Thank you. I'll be out momentarily," Ren calls back, eyes locked onto you. You can feel them burning a hole through your back. 

"I need to run through some things with my generals before I leave the ship," he tells you. "Can I say goodbye, or are you too busy pouting?" 

You huff and turn to face him. "Watch it." 

His eyes twinkle, and you can't help but let a soft smile crack your hard exterior. "Fine. May the Force ever serve you, my love," you say, bowing out of respect for your Master.  
"And May it serve you," he says, pulling you in for a long, soft kiss. You both pull your helmet back on before leaving the room together. You get many stares, but you don't care anymore. You wanted everyone to know that you belong to each other. 

You found yourself standing at the entrance of the landing bay and staring at the moon below you. Kylo was still busy getting things in order, so you had your thoughts to yourself. You sensed that whatever was going to happen down there, it may not be pleasant. You started to feel someone nearing you, so you turned, noticing the Knights of Ren standing in formation behind you. 

"Let's go," Vicrul states, jerking his head towards the transports. You nod, and you follow them to the ship. You pass by Kylo talking to some highly ranked stormtroopers. He stops mid-sentence and turns to watch you walk by. He calls your name for your attention. 

"I need to meet with you again before you leave."  
"Of course," you responded. "Where would you like me to wait?"  
"By my ship." 

It wasn't long before he met you there. He put his hand on the small of your back and guided you behind it, where you could get some privacy. 

"Saying goodbye in the conference room wasn't enough for me," he whispers through his mask. 

You smile and take off your helmet. Ren looks around to make sure no one can see this tender moment, then copies you.

"Don't worry. We'll see each other again soon," you cooed, placing a hand his cheek. Kylo's eyes were locked on yours, but you could tell he was nervous. "What's the matter?"  
"I want you to come with me. I'm worried that the Knights won't be able to protect you."  
"Ren… I want to prove myself to them. They don't like me very much, and it'd give me great satisfaction to witness them stand in awe at my amazing skills,"  
The corner of Kylo's mouth twitched as he exhaled through his nose, resembling a laugh. "Okay. But don't hesitate to call me if things get complicated."  
"Of course, my dear," you whisper as you wrap your arms around his neck, cheeks flushing. 

He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in for a passionate kiss. You melt into his body and let him press you up against his ship. One hand reached up and supported the back of your head as his kiss, once again turned into many, each one slow and full of meaning. He pulled away slowly, eyes sad. 

"I have to go." 

You nod, biting your lip. "Okay. Stay safe." 

He steps away from your embrace and puts his helmet back on. He walks around the ship, and he's back into Supreme Leader mode. 

You throw on your helmet and jog back to the transport for the Knights of Ren. You take one more glance at Kylo, preparing his men before entering the ship. You sit down, and within minutes, the vehicle takes off. 

The men all stayed silent during the ride down there. You didn't need the Force to sense their adrenaline was high as hell. Vicrul's leg was constantly bouncing, Ap'lek was sharpening his ax, Cardo was tightening his armor, and so on. They all had their ways to prepare. You just stared out the window, head empty. You weren't really paying attention to the mumbling between the men until one of them clapped in your direction. Your head spun, and you really felt like popping Vicrul's head off like a daisy, but instead, you just squint your eyes. 

"What?" you snap.  
"I said, do you know what we're doing?"  
"Yes," you sigh, looking back out the window. You were about to land. "We're stopping anyone who tries to leave."  
"That means you may have to kill your friends," Ushar pointed out. "You think you can do that?"  
"They aren't my friends," you snapped. "They never were. I've made mistakes. This is my chance to fix them."  
"That's what we like to hear," Vicrul noted. 

As the transport landed, you stood up and waited at the exit of the ship. From what you saw through the window earlier, the planet was empty; however, you were preparing for the worst. You detached your lightsabers from your waist and gripped them tightly as the Knights of Ren got in position behind you. When you looked over your shoulders to make sure the men were prepared, Ushar nodded at you as a way to confirm that he's got your back. They may give you shit, but there's no doubt they have a newfound respect for you. You looked at the door again, took a deep breath, and exited once it opened. 

You stepped onto the foreign ground and took in the scenery around you. The planet's landscape was open and grassy, full of hills, valleys, and cliffs. You continued hiking the terrain until you found the crash site of the Falcon. You expected a whole army, but what you got was a group of no more than 10 working on the ship. 

"This is it?" You scoff.  
"Too easy," Ap'lek agrees.  
"Kuruk, you stay here and-"  
"Already on it," he interrupts, readying his sniper rifle.  
"Got it. Trudgen and Ap'lek, you okay with flanking?"  
"Yep."  
"Sure thing."  
"Okay. Let's push forward," You suggest. The Knights of Ren shuffle and get their gear ready, waiting for your mark. 

"Let's go." 

You have no fear of walking right into the villager's lines. They fought with rusting stormtrooper artillery, which is no match for the fury of the high-tech weaponry of the Knights of Ren. Kuruk didn't even have to pull his trigger. They were all dead within minutes. You stood over the body of a villager when Kuruk's voice cut through on the Comlink. 

"Guys? You've got company." 

The ground was starting to rumble. You turned around to see the other Knights' reaction, but they were too focused on the herd of fighters on their way to avenge their fallen family. You turned on your sabers and took a fighting stance. 

For being your first ground battle, you were pretty successful. Even when you had three people on you at once, your Force powers and combat skills were enough to keep you alive and the enemy away from you. About twenty minutes into the battle, you started getting tired. You slashed one of your sabers across the leg of an orbak and skewered its rider as they fell off its back, and kicked another man who thought he could flank you from behind in the chest. You took cover against the Falcon and took a breather, removing your helmet and wiping the sweat off your forehead. As you tilted your head back against the cold metal, someone screamed your name. 

Your head lifted up, and standing at the top of the hill was Finn with… Hux? He was out of his First Order uniform, wearing a black vest, a white shirt, and black slacks. He had a belt wrapped around his waist and another holster strapped to his thigh.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up!" You called, spitting on the ground next to you. "It was getting a little boring out here!" 

A fighter came running at you with a battle cry, but a simple flick of your wrist and his neck snapped, making them fall to the ground. Your eyes remained trained on the two traitors a few yards in front of you. You could feel Finn's rage from where you stood. 

"You don't even know these people. Why so angry?"  
"It's me you want. You can have me," Hux called sheepishly. Finn looked at him and shook his head, and you laughed.  
"Oh, honey, we don't want just you. We want you both… and, well, we want you dead." You reach down and put your helmet back on. You attach your sabers together and start walking towards them. Finn's unbridled rage made him make a running start towards you. 

He grunted with effort as he tried striking you down with a club that was definitely once owned by a stormtrooper, just as your vision predicted. You push him backward with the Force, making him fly back and land hard on the ground where he started. You resume walking towards them, the calm before the storm. Hux fumbles with his blaster, juggling it in his hands, before shooting at you blindly. 

"You've got terrible aim," you taunted. Hux scowled and shot at you again, this time making you deflect it back toward him. It slid past his face, slicing his cheek. His hands flew up to protect his wound as he called out in pain and stumbled back. As he went down, Finn was standing up and regaining his footing. He was a lot more calculated before he attacked you again. 

It was easy to predict his movements. They were wide and slow, the club far too heavy. You were able to block while simultaneously trying to kick his legs out from under him. 

"You should've stayed with maintenance," you jeered while you blocked a sideways strike, shoving him back with your saber. He stumbled back and panted, clearly getting tired. Too bad for him, because every blow he landed fueled your hatred. "I'm done playing now." 

You used the Force to pull the club out from his loosened grip, making it fling into the Falcon's wreckage behind you. Finn tried to take a swing at you with his fist, but you caught his hand, twisting his arm backward. As his torso came toward you when he tried to turn with his arm to make it less painful, you headbutt him. He passed out instantly - thanks to the craftsmanship of your mask, you didn't feel a thing.

You looked over at Hux as you let Finn's body drop beside you. He reloaded his blaster and tried rapid firing at you - but you quickly paused the blasts in the air. 

"General Armitage Hux, reduced to filthy scum," you scolded, walking a circle around him. "It's such an honor to be the person to make you return to the Order as a prisoner. Unless, y' know, the Knights of Ren let me kill you." You put your helmet up to his ear, making sure he hears you pronounce every word. "Ushar likes to make them beg," you murmured lowly. 

You step back and use the Force to make him kneel. Hux cried out in pain, slowly breaking down to his knees. Vicrul, Ushar, and Trudgen walked up behind you. 

"Is FN-2187 dead?" Vicrul asked.  
"No. Just knocked out."  
"What do you want to do with him?" He questions next, jerking his chin towards Hux.  
"Whatever you want," you hummed.  
"This one's mine," Ushar demanded, grabbing Hux's ginger locks and pulling him back to expose his throat. Vicrul rolled over Finn's body and aimed his blaster, but before he could pull the trigger, you put his hand on top of his.  
"Let's hold off on the killing. Maybe Kylo will want to take them prisoner," you pointed out.  
"You really think so?" Vicrul scoffed, lowering his gun. You shrugged.  
"We won't know until we see him. I'd rather not make him angry."  
"Aren't you the right-hand man now? C'mon, let's just kill them." Trudgen kicked Hux in the stomach, y' know, just for funsies.  
"No. Wait for his approval." You walked to Finn and put restraints on him, a bloody cut on his forehead. "Lean them against the ship." 

You released the Force hold you had on Hux, who then fell forward and groaned a sigh of relief. You let the men do the dirty work as you walked towards the cliffs, the Death Star whispering your name in your ear. The Dark Side of the Force was beckoning you to come closer, and you had to get there soon. You decided to walk back to the landing sight and fly there yourself. Halfway there, you heard the shrill of a tie-fighter engine soar over you. Sure enough, Kylo's ship blew past you. Your walking turned into a run. 

Once you arrived, you ran to the closest tie fighter. The pilot was still inside, but you didn't care. 

"Get the fuck out," you commanded.  
"Actually, I can't, Supreme Leader's orders. I have to stay in here and make sure any ship that flies out of here doesn't-"  
"I don't give a fuck what Kylo said, I'm fucking him, so what I say goes. Get out." 

The pilot froze for a second, then followed your wishes. You shoved him out of the way before getting in the fighter yourself. 

"Do you even know how to drive that thing?" He asked. You took off your helmet and started flipping the levers to turn it on.  
"Please. I was the best pilot in the resistance," you scoffed. You pushed the big red button to start flying, and off you went. 

You landed on the flattest surface you could find, and hopped out of the fighter. The wet metal was kind of terrifying to walk on. One mistake would probably land you in the unforgiving sea that surrounded you. 

You eventually made your way inside of the Death Star. You studied the ruins like you were trying to decipher an ancient mural. The darkness that remained inside made you feel powerful. Someone whispered your name in your ear, and your gaze shot to the direction you heard it from. Across the way, someone in all black was walking down a corridor and disappeared behind the corner. 

Ren. 

You leaped to the next platform. You grabbed a cable hanging from the ceiling and tugged on it to make sure it was stable enough to swing on. When it didn't fall, you made a running start before swinging to the hallway where Kylo just was. Thanks to the Force, you stuck the landing. 

You followed your instinct to what seemed to be a destroyed throne room, debris strewn all over the place, a decrepit throne in the center. Kylo was staring at the throne, his back to you. 

"Why are you here?" He whispers.  
"I… I was called here. The Force asked me to come here."  
"It's too dangerous for you. Leave." He turns to face you, and you know he doesn't mean it.  
"I'll leave if you do."  
"I have business to take care of." 

When he finishes his sentence, Rey falls through a door, collapsing onto the floor in front of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly?? I think this might be ending soon??? :( BUT I have another fic lined up. Lemme know if you want to know what it's about! Or if you want another one in general lol I love y'all thank you for the constant support, it keeps me writing


	14. The Battle of Kef Bir II: The Order is Your Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fighting your way to get to the runaways of the Order, you feel a call to Kylo's side. Once arrived, he's skittish. Then the girl he has been chasing for the past year falls directly into his lap. What happens to her is not up to you - but it damn well should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally so sorry for the delay. I was struggling so hard with this chapter and I still don't even like it as much as the others. Please forgive me 🥺

"Give it to me," Rey hissed, referring to the small pyramid in Kylo's hand. It must be the Wayfinder.  
"The dark side is in our nature. Surrender to it," Kylo persuades Rey. 

You look at Ren, head reeling. You read him while he's lost in this moment. He's fighting within himself. The sight of Rey and the energy she brings is enough to make Kylo doubt the dark side. On the other hand, he wants her to join the Order and corrupt her - not kill her. He knows how strong she is. He intends to use it like how he has used you. 

"Give it. To me." Rey emphasizes. A moment of silence.  
"The only way you're getting to Exegol is with me," he states and crushes the pyramid in his hand.  
"No!!" Rey screams. 

She takes the saber in her hand and immediately tries swiping a clean cut across Kylo's body. Within a second, your own saber is on, stopping her saber in its tracks. 

"This doesn't involve you," she growls and tries to shove you away with the Force. You use your own power to keep you standing in one place.  
"Yes, it does. You want to turn Kylo. It won't work. I won't let you." 

She swings at you in anger, barely missing a slice that would chop you in half. Her power drowns yours. When you had no idea how to control your abilities, you were naive to it - finally understanding the strength she had made her a worthy opponent. 

Your sabers clash again. Rey's fighting is fluid, so she is most certainly letting the Force guide her. Yours are quick and calculated, using the Force to predict where her saber lands next. You didn't have your helmet to protect you this time, so a swing at your face leads to a close dodge and a scrape on your cheek. As you bend over to miss another horizontal swing, she accidentally cuts off a chunk of your hair. You growl in anger and swipe across her ankles. She jumps, and you spin your lightsaber in your hand before stabbing from above. She rolls out of the way, and your saber cleans cut through the floor below you. 

With you distracted by your saber in the ground, Rey starts swinging at Kylo, who was simply watching the fight unfold. You hear his own saber turn on, and you gasp, head snapping to the direction of their battle. His fighting is similar to yours, of course. Quick dodging and focusing on the next move he's going to make. He's on the edge of the platform, and he simply jumps down to the ground below him. You pull your saber out of the floor and turn to face them as Rey spins her saber in her hand and follows Ren. You have no choice but to do the same. e

You follow the fighting to the ruins outside, the waves crashing around them. All you can do is watch. Sparks fly wildly as the two battle out months of a dog chase, everything boiling down to this moment. You can feel Ren tiring. You can't help but worry about him. You run after them, each step propelling you and charging your hate. Rey unexpectedly turns and shoves you backward with the Force, making you bounce across the wet metal. You land hard and wince, grabbing onto your shoulder and curling up. You watch them from there, Kylo becoming overwhelmingly angry. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a tidal wave, and as you look back to the fight, they've disappeared to the other side. You grit your teeth.

You're seething with rage. Rey must be destroyed. 

You take another running jump and use the Force to propel you forward, landing on your feet and sliding across the ruins. You pant and wipe off the hair stuck to your face, watching the red and blue lights move through the sea's mist. 

You walk onto the next level of the ruins. As you get closer, you can feel Rey's energy diminishing, and it's evident in her fighting. She takes longer breaks in between each time they parry. Kylo is as strong as ever. He starts delivering blow after blow, knocking her down onto the ground. You walk until you're a few feet behind him, watching as he prepares to take the killing stab. Yet, he pauses. He turns around and looks over his shoulder. His breathing is ragged, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He may be looking at you, but he is looking through you. He drops his saber, and in slow motion, Rey catches it, turns it on, and stabs clean through his side. As she does, Rey freezes, and you feel what she feels - a ripple in the Force, a life extinguished. Everyone's breathing stops for a moment. 

"Leia," she whispers. She shuts off Kylo's lightsaber, and he falls to the ground. Time turning back to normal, you scream, Kylo's life force diminishing. 

You make a running start again, both sabers on and ready, but Rey knows you're coming. As you jump to attack her, she uses the force to fling you over her head, slamming you into the enormous weapon behind you, knocking you out cold. 

The next time you open your eyes, you're all alone. You're soaked to the bone, shivering, a high pitched ringing in your ears and a splitting headache. Off in the distance, Kylo is standing at the edge of the ship, staring past the horizon. You slowly get up, your body aching. 

"Kylo," you whisper, hoping he picks up your voice in his head. He turns and faces your direction, obviously crying. He doesn't know what to do with himself. He just… stares. 

You limp to him. The closer you get to him, the more significant the difference in energy there is. He's lighter. It makes you sick.  
"What are you doing?" You ask, confusion knitting your eyebrows together.  
"I.. I don't know." He whispers.  
"How... how did you survive that?" 

Silence.  
"She healed you, didn't she?"  
He refuses to speak to you.  
"Please tell me she didn't get into your head. Ben Solo is dead. You are Kylo Ren." You state, your nerves twisting in your tummy.  
He turns, facing the ocean again, lightsaber tightly gripped in his hand. Only then he decides to speak. 

"I saw my father."  
"Han Solo? He's dead."  
"I know… my father was just a memory. But… my memory. He told me to go home."  
"You already ARE home, Kylo Ren. The Order is your home." You start to panic, afraid of losing him.  
"My mother is dead," he states. "But not what she stood for… that's still there." Ren looks down at his saber, contemplating. You place a hand on his shoulder and spin him, making him face you again.  
"No. Don't say that, Kylo." You take a glove off, placing your hand on his. He gives into your touch, silent tears sliding down his cheeks. "Please… don't leave me. You promised, you swore to me. We can be unstoppable together."  
"I need to right my wrongs," he whispers.  
"Everything you've done so far is right. Please, don't let Rey get under your skin."  
"It's not just her. My mother, my father… I gave up too quickly. I need to do this."  
"Kylo, please!" You beg, gripping his shoulders in your hands. "Don't give up on yourself. We can still win this."  
"I know what I have to do." He frees himself from your hold and faces the ocean, his heart turning to the light. He lifts his arm to throw his saber into the sea as hard as he can, but you freeze him in place. 

"Ren. You don't know what you're doing." You take his saber out of his hand. "Come back to the ship with me. Palpatine will be very displeased that you let her go." You release your hold on him, but he immediately grabs your wrist and pins it behind your back, stealing his saber again. He releases you, looks at you calmly, and shakes his head. 

"You don't understand. I've been fighting with myself all my life. It's all come down to this… this is my fate. I need to find Rey."  
"Kylo, no-"  
"My name is Ben."  
"No, it's not. You are Kylo Ren." you remind him. He walks past you, letting you keep his saber. He takes off his cape and starts to remove the armor. 

You slowly stand. Everything hurts; your knees, your shoulder, your head. But it doesn't stop you from tackling Ben to the ground. 

"Fight me. I'm not letting you run from this!" You cry.  
"I'm not fighting you," he replies, shoving you off of him. You scramble to get between you and his path to the skimmer Rey took here. He sighs and shakes his head. "Let me go." 

"Fuck you, Ren. This isn't you."  
"It is!" He scoffs. "It was below layers of hatred and rage… I was stupid. I've done terrible things I can never undo…. but I have another chance."  
"You have to get through me. I won't let Rey win."  
"I told you. I'm not fighting you." 

You ball your hand into a fist and punch him in the jaw. 

"Fight me!" You scream, your blood pulsing through your veins at incredible speed. Your fury has never been more potent. 

Kylo stumbles and puts a hand up to his chin. He looks at you, shocked. He tries to walk past you, but you shove him away. Tears are streaming down your face. 

"Don't do this to me."  
"I'm sorry. I really am." Ben... Kylo... looks at you with his big puppy eyes. He walks up to you, and you take a fighting stance. He places his hands on your cheeks and pulls your face to his, kissing you tenderly. Your tears mix into your kiss, and his thumbs reach up and wipe them away. He pulls away and leaves you on this ginormous hunk of lonely metal. You hear the skimmer take off, leaving you with your thoughts. You take shelter inside the room where it all started, sitting on the throne. 

A gravelly voice pierces into your brain. 

"You have failed me," Palpatine growls. "Just like Kylo Ren has failed me."  
"I'm sorry, Palpatine. I tried."  
"Not hard enough. You are useless to me." His voice vanishes from your mind. You want to get up and follow Kylo, redeem yourself, but you don't have the strength. You just want Kylo back. It doesn't matter if you two rule the galaxy you want. You don't want another person you care for to be ripped from your clutches. What was the point in turning to the dark side if the man you did it for left you? You stand, take a deep breath, and leave the Death Star.


	15. Fate Ran its Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving Kef Bir, you returned to the Star-Destroyer you called home. The Dark Side of the Force has never been more powerful. But, with Kylo Ren now Ben Solo, you must find your way back to him and bring him home. Your home. Your fate lies before you. Are you successful in your endeavors? Or does it all come crashing down?

Back on the ship, you find yourself in Kylo's quarters. You're in his bed, curled up in the middle of it, reaching towards the space his body would be. He only just started opening up to you. He just made you fall in love with him, and he never even said it back. 

You hated him with all of your might. How dare he leave you in the middle of this? With no one to follow, no one to look up to? No one to help you. You smelled his pillow, tears brimming your eyes again. Fuck him.

You stood up, walked to the bathroom, splashed water on your face, and stared at yourself in the mirror. You had a few scratches on your face, a couple bruises, but you didn't care. Something really different was your eyes. They weren't their original color anymore… they were turning yellow. You knew this was a possibility - the Force changes you. Jedi control this transformation, but the fire inside of you was out of control. You wanted this transformation. You craved the power. 

You ruffled your hair to see the damage Rey had done… and it was bad. It was almost to the scalp. You guess you know what time it is. 

You searched Kylo's bathroom for anything that could cut hair. He had to keep those locks tamed somehow. You rejoiced once you found a pair of clippers - and you said goodbye to the old you. 

Once you did a thorough job shaving your head, you couldn't stop staring at yourself. A grin spread across your face as you ran your hand over your scalp. You almost felt liberated. You left the clumps of hair on the floor as you left the bathroom, grabbed your helmet and your utility belt, and left Kylo's quarters to meet General Pryde. You didn't like this man, but he was the next person to give you an idea of what to do. 

You walked through the halls with a purpose. You held your helmet in your hand to make sure everyone saw the face of a true Sith. They cowered in your presence, eyes looking away, Stormtroopers stopping and standing at attention as you passed. You meant business. 

In command Center, General Pryde was ordering a destroyer to extinguish Kimiji. You knew Poe had some connections there, and the mention of the planet made your never-ending anger waiver for a second. You missed him. Pryde's voice calling your name made you snap out of it. 

"I have a special mission for you. I need you to find Ben Solo and stop him."  
"Stop him from what?" You ask. Pryde rolls his eyes.  
"From getting to the girl, and murdering Emporer Palpatine. That is what their plan is. The Emporer plans to start the Final Order. We already have planets surrendering to us," he sneers. You nod. 

"Okay. How do we track him?" 

Pryde motions you to a screen and points to a little red dot on a scanner. 

"That is a Tie-Fighter stolen from us when we were on Kef Bir. It must be him. He's on his way to Exegol, where Palpatine is stationed. Here are the coordinates." He hands you a small hard drive. "You must get there quicker than us. Bring the Knights with you."  
"Of course, General. Right away." You bowed as a goodbye, spun on your heel, and speed-walked out of the command center to find your Knights. 

You made your way to their hideout on the ship, where they were already preparing their weapons. 

"I assume you already know what I'm going to tell you," you say, and Vicrul looks up from his axe. 

"Yea. We have to hunt down Solo."  
You nod. "I'll be going to find him myself. Were you given any instructions?"  
"We have to protect Emporer Palpatine. If you can't stop him, we have to."  
You took off your helmet and sat down, watching them work. 

"What happened to Finn and Hux?" Kuruk snorted from the back. Ap'lek sighed.  
"They… got away. After you left, FN-2187 came to and played mind games with us," Vicrul explained solemnly.  
"What kind of mind games?" You crossed your arms and leaned back against the table behind you.  
"You're really not going to believe this." Vicrul scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.  
"Don't tell me… he's Force-sensitive?" You laughed. "Aren't you guys Force-sensitive? He's had less training than you, and he beat you?"  
"You try getting brainwashed, you can't help it!" Vicrul sighed.  
"Don't worry. I know." You stood up and took a deep breath. "We have to get going." You put on your helmet and waited for the boys to get ready. 

You marched together in formation to the flight deck. The knights had a transport, and you had your own tie fighter. You watched them board the ship, and made sure everything was in order. Vicrul was last to board. He stretched out his hand and looked into your mask. 

"We were tough on you… but it's been an honor working with you." 

You took his hand and shook it. 

"Thank you, Vicrul. May the Force ever serve you."  
"This better not be the last time I see you. We were really starting to like you."

You laughed bitterly. 

"Hey. Who knows." 

Vicrul patted your shoulder and walked onto the transport. The Knights said goodbye in their own ways - nodding, waving, saluting. You bowed your head in response and boarded your tie-fighter. You plugged in the coordinates and flew out of the landing bay. 

You made sure that the flight to Exegol was a short one. You jumped as many parsecs as you could, and you're pretty sure you arrived there before the Knights did. When you arrived, the Final Order was ready to take over the galaxy. Thousands upon thousands of star destroyers were lined up to start their journey of destroying every planet that didn't surrender. 

On your scanner, you saw two objects parked next to each other. You landed next to the other tie-fighter. Nerves knotted your stomach. This was it. 

You left your helmet inside of the ship and started your search for Ben. You wanted him to see what he did to you. 

The rainy planet was not fun to explore, especially since lighting could strike a few hundred feet of you. But all you had to do was follow Ben's aura, which would be forever drawn to you.

And apparently, your aura called to him. He seemed to be walking back to his ship - but it was to only find you. You stood a few feet apart. 

"I see you made it. Did you find her?"  
"Not yet. I needed to find you first."  
"What happened to Rey not being a problem? Why did you give in?" You asked, the very sight of Ky… Ben, boiling your veins.  
"I'm sorry. I truly am. It's just… my mother… I was always sorry for disappointing her. Knowing that she still had faith in me, restored my faith in myself - in the light side of the force."  
"That's bullshit, and you know it." You took a lightsaber off of your belt - his lightsaber - and tossed it to his feet. He shook his head. 

"I'm sorry for what I did to you." 

Your heart froze. You grit your teeth, and your hands balled into fists. 

"You don't get to be sorry. I love who I am. I have never dreamed of being more powerful in my life. I will use this to take down my enemies - to take you down."  
"You don't know what you're saying." He took a step toward you, stepping over his weapon.  
"I do, actually. You removed one of your own sabers and turned it on. The scent of the plasma sword excited you. "You're nothing but a coward. You ran from the Order, from me. You betrayed everything for a stupid girl you've been dying to vaporize the day you met her."  
"Please. Your hatred… it's not worth it," Ben begged.  
"Quiet." You hissed. The rain still poured, thunder crashing, lightning striking. The energy was picking up around you. Electricity nipped at your skin - the way it did when you first met him. It fueled you. 

"I'm sorry." he pleaded. His apologies were empty to you.  
"You will pay for your insolence!" You slashed him, but he used the Force to pick up his saber and defend himself. The glow of your sabers lit up his sad eyes. He was concerned, full of regret. 

"I won't hurt you."

You sneered. "It's too late for that." 

An intense fight ensued. You danced with each other, the parry lasting for what felt like hours, but was only mere minutes. Your hatred and anger fueled you, moving faster and quicker than you ever felt before. Your attacks were tight and concentrated - probably the best you've ever fought. Ben was only defensive. Not once did he try hurting you. 

You shoved him backward, making a break in the fighting. 

"Please," Ben panted. "Let our fates run its course."  
"What? Fate chose this path for us?" You shook your head. "No. We can still change it. We can choose our own path."  
"I can't let any more innocent people die because of my mistakes," he begged. "Please. Just let me go. I can help change you-"  
"Fuck you. I'm not changing again - this is who I fucking am, and I will never change back." 

You swung again, and without flinching, he threw up a block. You growled in frustration and brought out your second saber. You continued to fight, anger, and hatred gripping your heart and engulfing your brain. You started backing him towards your ship, your goal to press him against something to keep him from running away from you. 

You were overpowering him. He was terrified but utterly focused on dodging and blocking your violent tornado. You lifted your sabers and crossed them, and with a battle cry, you swung them down. The force knocked him back into the wing of the tie-fighter, and his saber out of his hand, making it bounce across the ground and off of a cliff.

"Where is Kylo Ren?! The All-Powerful Supreme Leader; my Master?!" you roared, pinning your saber against his throat, the other one close to his face. He strained away from your weapons. The panic emitting from him almost made you smile. "Now you're just a coward!" 

Not only was your fight happening on the ground, and air fight was exploding above your heads. It seemed like this planet was full of noise. The wind was whooshing in your ears. Thunder and lightning clashed from every distance, and now the fighting of the resistance versus the final order. 

"I'm so sorry I did this to you," he pleaded. "But you don't have to do this."  
"Yes, I do," you broke down, your anger turning into deep grief. You sobbed over your lost life. 

"I loved Poe, and you made me kill him. I loved you, and now I have to kill you." You reasoned. "I can't let you do this, Kylo! I gave up my future for a new one. In the beginning, I hated you. I wanted you dead. But something told me that I should trust you. And I did. You were my new future. We can bring peace to the galaxy with a New Order, we can take out these ships! I need my Emperor."  
"This was always your future," he said, turning his head to yours, his big puppy eyes locking onto yours. "You just didn't know it."  
"And you did?!" you pressed the saber closer to his throat. Sparks licked his neck. His chin raised higher to avoid it. He was silent.  
"Tell me!" you spat through gritted teeth. 

He refused to answer you. 

You closed your eyes and entered his mind. You wanted to see what he knew. You saw him reach for a weapon, and kill his enemy in a single blow. Thinking you could convince him to do it to Rey, you opened your eyes and felt a jab on your stomach. 

"I'm sorry," he cried, pulling the trigger of the blaster he took off your belt, shooting you through your abdomen. 

The world went silent. The cacophony around you ceased to exist. You dropped your sabers and put your hand over your wound, taking steps backward. 

"N-No," you mumbled, dropping to your knees. You pulled your hand away, and with a flash of lightning, you saw an unhealthy amount of blood pooling in your hand. Ben said your name and kneeled in front of you.

"I had to do it," he whispered, placing a hand on your cheek. "I was wrong. I was wrong about the galaxy. I have to right my wrongs."  
"No!" you grunted, pushing him away with your hand and pressing on your wound with the other. You fell back onto the ground and propped yourself up on your forearm. "You'll pay for this…"  
"I know." 

You looked back at him, your vision blurry. You felt a broad range of emotions: rage, abhorrence, despair, fear, and love… you couldn't help but start weeping. 

"I'm scared." 

Kylo crawled to you and sat down, cradling you in his arms. 

"I know. It's okay. I'll stay with you," Ben whispers, stroking your cheek. Between the two of you, you couldn't tell what was rain, and what were tears. 

You stared at him, etching each part of his face inside of your mind. The curve of his nose, the plump of his lips, the color of his eyes. You wanted this to be the last thing you see. 

"Did you even love me?" you whispered.  
"I did," he whispered back. "You were everything I ever wanted."  
"Kiss me," you whimpered, placing a bloody hand on his cheek. He leaned down, planting a soft kiss on your lips. You groaned, the moving weakening you and shooting pain throughout your body. You shut your eyes and let yourself go limp. 

"I'm so sorry." Ben murmured. You knew he was telling the truth. 

You opened your eyes again and looked upon his face one more time. 

"Ben…" you whispered. He looked at you, caressing you closer. You felt no more pain.  
"What is it, sweet thing?" he whispered back.  
"I love you," you breathed, closing your eyes and leaning your head against his chest. You inhaled his scent one more time: leather and fresh cotton. 

The releasing breath afterward would be your last one. 

"I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. I want to thank every single person who has read this. Since I finally got this out of my fingers, I will be unstoppable. More fics will be coming your way; now that I know what I have to improve. They also won't be as sad. This was so short, but I promise I'll have better ones. If anyone has any requests or ideas, I'd be happy to bring it to life. I'd also like to thank every single person who has commented; it truly made my day. Every single one of you is so fucking great. May the Force ever serve you... ❤🖤❤🖤 (PS... did you catch the fix your attitude reference?)

**Author's Note:**

> I ain't gonna lie - I read Fix Your Attitude and I thought 'y'know what it's time for a fic'. I hope you liked it! I tried so hard. It's my first time writing a Star Wars fic, so I hope it's at least adequate!! I'm not the best writer so I would love some constructive criticism.


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